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July, 2008

Republicans Promote "Giant Dome" Bill

Humor Times Special Report

Republicans stood in lock-step recently to filibuster S.3036, the Climate Change Bill, saying they had "a better idea."

"Democrats think in terms of restricting people and business. We think expansively, creatively, and that's the big difference voters need to see," said Senator James Inhofe (R-OK), author of the Giant Dome Bill, S.3037.

Republicans say a giant dome over the U.S. would
deal with climate change problem.

"Why not build a giant dome over the United States?" asked Sen. Inhofe. "Not only would it allow us to regulate our own climate, but it would also keep out the rising sea levels - just in case the scientists got lucky and their crazy global warming theories happen to be right. In fact," he added, "we could end up having the world's largest aquarium - the length of both our coasts! Talk about a boon to the economy, just when we need it!"

"We shouldn't sacrifice our economic future for virtually no environmental gain," said Bob Barr, the Libertarian Party candidate for president, referring to the climate change bill. Barr has always been a Republican, but he changed parties this year to run for president, saying, "I know a sinking ship when I see one."

When asked how the dome would be cooled, and if it would trap pollutants inside, Barr said, "Obviously, we'll have to air condition it. And that will create even more pollution. But we'll vent it outside the dome. Let the rest of the world deal with it, we have our own problems."

Inhofe's plan has garnered strong support from nearly all Republicans. Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS) said it "makes a lot of sense, especially if you can't stand to vote with the Democrat party." Given the choice, he said, "I'd rather vote for a crazy scheme put forth by a Republican than any idiotic thing a Dem would dream up. Besides, the science just isn't there." Pressed for details, he said he goes by 1980 science, "because the new stuff hasn't been around long enough to stand the test of time."

In related news, when asked how he felt about Bob Barr's sudden departure from the Republican party, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) answered, "I don't hold it against him. After all, who wants to run as a Republican these days? Besides, those Libertarians have been getting rather uppity - Barr will put them back in their place."

See more of our "Faux News" series here.