Elon Musk Makes Bid to Buy America - Ted Holland, Humor Times

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Musk’s thirst for control widens from merely controlling social media, as he seeks to buy America at a cut-rate price.

With his bid to buy Twitter on hold, Elon Musk, the world’s richest human being, has turned his attention to purchasing something else he has always wanted to own… The United States of America.

Elon Musk to buy America — Elon Musk pulls out the rocket in his pocket. Adapted from a photo by NORAD and USNORTHCOM Public Affairs, Public Domain.

With an estimated net worth of roughly 236 billion dollars today, Musk did not approach the Biden administration about the impending purchase. Instead, he he approached the Chinese Bank of Quong Bong, which owns 42 percent of America’s 30 trillion dollar national debt.

According to SNN financial reporter Robin Peter T’Payepaulle, Mr. Musk has offered the bank 87 cents on the dollar to buy America, in a lump cash payment to be transferred immediately. He told the bank that it would take 358 centuries to have America pay off the debt.

According to Mr. Musk, he would fire President Biden and dissolve Congress, and run the country himself. “Run it the right way. America could be a money-making entity!” he said.

But according to reports, Mr.Musk is not the only billionaire interested in buying the country. It is reported that Slobovia’s richest woman, Greta Grabbo, is looking into it, as is American Wyatt Slurpe, the snow cone king.

More Breaking News

Like the American Government, SNN Is Going into the Disinformation Business.

SNN is currently hiring disinformation specialists formerly known as liars. To apply, send your contact information along with your ten best lies to SNN, in care of the Humor Times.

Applicants must fail a Truth Detector test to be hired.

SNN Words to Live By

“Just give me the facts.” — Sgt. Joe Friday, Dragnet

Author
Recent Posts

Ted Holland

Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.