FACE HUMP CITY, NORTH CAROLINA

[Sung to the tune of “Paradise City” by Guns N’ Roses, released in 1987.]

Take me down to the Face Hump City
Where Republicans are red
And the boys are pretty
Oh, won’t you please take me home?
Take me down to the Face Hump City
Madison Cawthorn naked in bed
And the boys are pretty
Oh, won’t you please let me bone?

Just a congressman living on K Street
I’m a nut case who’s easy to beat
I’m your perverted conservative
So I’ll give you some man meat
Don’t open your innocent eyes
Because I’m a really, really gay guy

Rednecks to riches or so they say
You gotta keep face humping
For the fortune and fame
You know it’s all in shambles
When it’s just insane
You treat it like a capital crime
Everybody, it’s face humping time

Take me down to the Face Hump City
Where Republicans are red
And the boys are pretty
Oh, won’t you please take me home?
Take me down to the Face Hump City
Madison Cawthorn’s career is dead
And the boys are pretty
Let me bone

Jake Pickering
Arcata, CA, USA

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John V Thomas

John is just a guy who likes to keep his gunpowder dry, who works well with others, and enjoys writing about all kinds of things. You're reading him now!