'Country Bears' Responsible for Jan. 6th - Ralph Lombard, Humor Times

House Minority Leader accuses bear band supergroup “The Country Bears” of inciting the January 6th insurrection.

House Minority leader Kevin McCarthy today revealed that a Republican-led investigation into January 6th has uncovered startling new evidence implicating popular bear band “The Country Bears” as the real culprits behind the 2021 insurrection.

“These so-called ‘country’ bears have no love for their country whatsoever!” he explained. “They’re nothing more than a bunch of liberal elitist hacks trying to make Donald Trump look bad.

“We’ve linked them to all kinds of un-American organizations such as Disney, the ACLU and Bear Lives Matter. We’ve established ties between them and left-wing radicals Queen Latifah, Elton John and the Care Bears. And who else would have the infrastructure and resources to pull off such a massive conspiracy? It all makes perfect sense!”

Republicans claim eye witness testimony from numerous sources will prove their case. This includes well-known banker Reid Thimple, innocent bystander Benny Bogswaggle, police officers Cheets and Hamm, as well as their “star” witness, Florida Governor Rick Desantis. A subpoena has also been issued for Mickey Mouse.

“We’ll get to the truth if it kills us!” McCarthy pledged.

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Ralph Lombard

I was born a young baby. Then I grew up. Then I grew confused. Then I grew tired. I'm a 20th century man who's somehow been transported to the 21st century, with one foot in the gone past and the other in the here now. I started my blog mymanymoodsofme toward the end of 2012. There I write humorous essays, stories and poems (lyrics from my songs), in addition to my aphorisms. It's good work... if you get it. In my spare time I play chess, write songs, and reflect upon what I see. I'm very happy to be colluding with Humor Times, and hope you enjoy the result. Cheers!