Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Dr. Mehmet Oz

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Dr. Mehmet Oz, the Republican running for U.S. Senate in Pennsylvania.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Definitely not. Today on the show my guest is Dr. Nitwit Schnoz, the Republican running for U.S. Senate in Pennsylvania.

DR. MEHMET OZ

It’s Mehmet Oz. People know me as Dr. Oz.

JERRY

Not this people.

I admit that though I’m a cardiologist, I dine on McDonald’s triple cheeseburgers with my friend Donald Trump. We call him Noo-Noo the Teletubby, because he’s orange. We Trumpsters are going to overturn the constitution one law at a time. (shouts) U-S-A, U-S-A.

JERRY

What’s your game plan?

Right now, I’m focused on getting elected to the Senate in 2022. Republicans like myself want to halt mail in ballots, so less people can vote. Could use help again from Russia. Little things that make the big things happen.

JERRY

You’re running in Pennsylvania, but you’re from New Jersey.

Wrong. I eat Philadelphia Cream Cheese on my bagel. No Jersey subs. I’m a Pennsylvanian.

JERRY

You’re a bona fide idiot. A former heart surgeon who pushes medicine that is dangerous to humans.

Who said so?

JERRY

The FDA.

After extensive studies, the only thing the FDA concluded correctly was that smoking cures ham.

JERRY

C’mon. More of your quackery. You claim hydroxychloroquine can be used to cure COVID. The FDA proved there are potential risks to the body. And you also claim there are alternative medicines like faith healing.

Hydroxychloroquine cured Mr. Ed and he had a hit TV series. Faith healing works, too.

JERRY

Hey, Ozzy. I went to a faith healing session at the local community center last month. It was a bunch of rubbish. Even the fella in the wheelchair got up and walked out.

JERRY

Tell us about your ties to Turkey. You’re a dual citizen. Kind of weird.

Yes. I love Turkey.

JERRY

Me, too. With a serving of mash potatoes and gravy.

We’re talking me, Duncan. Served 2 years in the Turkish military. That’s where my peeps are from.

JERRY

You’re a Turkish military guy.

I am.

JERRY

Okay. How do you stop a Turkish army on horseback?

Not sure. I’m going to pull the answer out of ass. Ah, forget it. I don’t know.

JERRY

Turn off the carousel.

JERRY

As a physician, you have been endorsing unproven products and giving non-scientific advice. Even committed consumer fraud.

Don’t forget climate change denier. When you’re a Trumpster, you’re a Trumpster all the way.

JERRY

Are you still friends with Oprah Winfrey?

I am.

JERRY

News flash. Oprah got arrested today at O’Hare Airport.

(shocked) Oh, dear.

JERRY

Yeah. She was charged with battery for assaulting the energizer bunny.

Gotta run. Trump is calling. We’re touring together on his Conspiracy Tour. My Democratic opponent John Fetterman will have another heart attack after we’re through with him.

JERRY

Congratulations. You’re the only heart specialist that doesn’t have a heart. Dr. Nitwit Schnoz everyone.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.