Jerry Duncan Interviews VP Mike Pence - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews former VP Mike Pence.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today my guest is former VP Mike Pence.

MIKE PENCE

Good morning. From the Book of Amos. “God will roar from Zion and utter His voice from Jerusalem.”

JERRY

Wait a second. Are you talking about Famous Amos?

PENCE

Could be. He’s one smart cookie.

JERRY

Pence, you’re nuts! I’m sending the Trumpster over to your home to straighten you out. He’s bringing with a wild woman to spank you.

PENCE

“Then the eyes of both were opened and they knew that they were naked.”

Genesis 3:7

PENCE

(nervous) Oh, Lord. What will I tell my wife?

JERRY

Try this Bible verse, Penster. “And Abraham saddled his ass and rode out of town.” In other words, “Get your sorry ass out of DC.”

PENCE

I won’t run away. I stood up to the twice impeached, disgraced President on January 6. I told Trump that I could not stop the counting of the electoral votes.

JERRY

And what did he say?

PENCE

He told me I was a pussy. I assume that’s a cat.

JERRY

(laughs) Did your father ever tell you about the birds and the bees?

PENCE

No. He showed me a painting of Bathsheba bathing. I was in therapy for years.

JERRY

There’s more about that meeting with you and Trump. Bob Woodward said so in his book.

PENCE

Yes. Trump went on to say that he made a mistake when he picked me for Veep. Is the man Satan?

JERRY

If I’m not mistaken, Ted Cruz is Satan.

PENCE

Are you sure it’s not Jim Jordan?

JERRY

You’re right, Penster. That’s what happens when first cousins make love.

JERRY

Tell me. Are you running for President in 2024?

PENCE

Yes. I’m fighting for the rich. I want more fracking, oil wells. Need to cut social security and Medicare. No more COVID vaccines. Jesus saves. Moses invests. Greed is good.

JERRY

What about the middle class and poor?

PENCE

I know money can’t buy happiness, but poverty can’t buy anything.

JERRY

Just a minute. A call is coming through from Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Mean.

MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE

It’s pronounced Greene. Like the color of your boogers.

JERRY

At least I don’t eat mine, Wicked Witch of the West.

GREENE

I’m here to protest Penster running for President in 2024. There are immediate concerns like Hillary Clinton abducting Republican kids walking home from school. They are being eaten by cannibals in Poughkeepsie, New York.

JERRY

The conspiracists love you—-Jim Jordan, Andy Biggs, Mo Brooks, Mark Meadows.

GREENE

Don’t forget Louie Gohmert.

JERRY

Do you know how to get Gohmert Pyle to wear a face mask?

GREENE

No.

JERRY

Convince him to storm the Capitol building.

GREENE

Good idea. The election was rigged. Donald Trump won.

PENCE

You are wrong, Cruella. Joe Biden had 306 electoral votes. Trump had 232. I suggest you suck a tailpipe the next time you run your car.

GREENE

(shouts) Stop the steal! Stop the steal!

PENCE

(shouts) You’re Satan’s girl! Satan’s girl!

JERRY

Mike Pence and Marjorie Taylor Greene everyone.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.