Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews former White House strategist and conspirator Steve Bannon.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. Today on the show my guest is former White House strategist and conspirator Steve Bannon.
JERRY
Good morning, Steve.
STEVE BANNON
Duncan, the Mars Rover has been abducted by space aliens. All that footage you see on TV is filmed in a Hollywood Studio.
JERRY
(game show voice) I’m glad you said that because it’s time to play Pick Your Conspiracy.
BANNON
That’s right up my alley. I’m a natural born liar.
JERRY
I will ask three questions. Each one pertaining to a conspiracy. You need to tell me who the person is that said it. Each answer is worth $100. If you get two out of three correct, there is a bonus of $1,000. Two wrong answers and the game is over. Are you ready?
BANNON
Yes, Sir.
JERRY
Question number one for $100. Who urged Congress to reject the electoral college votes inside the Capitol on January 6, 2021?
BANNON
Pee Wee Herman.
JERRY
I’m sorry. It was Donald Trump.
BANNON
Sounds like something I would do. Oh well.
JERRY
Question number two for $100. Who looks like a sausage that’s gone past its sell by date, but you’re too afraid to sniff?
BANNON
Me.
JERRY
Who else could it be? You are correct for $100.
BANNON
Show me the money, Duncan. I want to make sure it isn’t fake.
JERRY
Last question. For $100 and a chance to win a $1,000 bonus. Who said, “I’m a Leninist. Lenin wanted to destroy the state, and that’s my goal, too.”
BANNON
Gosh. The answer is on the tip of my tongue. (to himself) It can’t be Frankenstein. He was born before Lenin.
JERRY
10 seconds left.
BANNON
Congressman Jim Jordan. Yeah, Jim. He’s a big anarchist and has all the charm and warmth of an elephant’s balls.
JERRRY
No. It was you, Sloppy Steve.
BANNON
Darn, of course it was. I never met a revolution I didn’t embrace.
JERRY
Sorry you didn’t win the $1,000, but $100 ain’t bad. What do you plan to do with the money?
BANNON
I’m donating it to my favorite charity–The Bernard Madoff Insider Trading Foundation.
JERRY
That’s very generous. However, on August 2020, you were charged by the Feds with conspiracy to commit mail fraud and money laundering in connection to the We Build The Wall Campaign. You enriched yourself by taking the money from contributors.
BANNON
Big deal–it’s a wall. Like the Mexicans, the contributors will get over it. I’m innocent, Trump pardoned me. Would he do anything dishonest?
JERRY
I’m staring at your photo. You look like someone who has been peed on by a prostitute in a Moscow hotel room. Anyone else make that observation?
BANNON
Putin.
JERRY
You’re just like Putin. Dangerous and corrupt.
BANNON
Don’t you get it, Duncan? The FBI, Justice Department, and every government agency is part of the deep state.
JERRY
Hold on. Senator Bernie Sanders is on the line and has something to say to you.
BERNIE SANDERS
You’re a traitor, Bannon. Undermining the integrity of our democracy.
BANNON
Where I come from in Virginia, people call me a street fighter. I’m angry. My acne is so bad that a blind man tried to read my face when I fell asleep in the library.
SANDERS
Where I come from in New York, people call you a putz.
BANNON
What’s the difference between a street fighter and a putz?
SANDERS
There is no difference. Bernie for President 2024. My campaign slogan, “Keep calm and eat a bagel.”
JERRY
Steve Bannon and Bernie Sanders everyone. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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