Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Liz Cheney along with singer/actress Jennifer Lopez.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, indeed. Today I’m interviewing singer, dancer and actress Jennifer Lopez along with Republican Congresswoman Liz Cheney from Wyoming.
JERRY
Good morning, ladies.
JENNIFER LOPEZ
Good morning, Jerry. I hope you read up on pop culture since the last interview.
JERRY
As a matter of fact, I have. Found out BTS is not a sandwich.
LOPEZ
Good. Okay. Now what’s J.Lo?
JERRY
Something that wiggles when you eat it with a spoon.
LOPEZ
No. I’m J. Lo. You’re a slow learner, Jerry. The only person I know who takes two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
JERRY
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.
LIZ CHENEY
Hello Mr. Duncan.
JERRY
You’re my favorite Congresswoman, Liz.
CHENEY
Thank you.
JERRY
Ever wonder how many years a Congressman can serve?
CHENEY
No.
JERRY
Depends on his sentence.
JERRY
J.Lo. Let’s talk about your beginning. You started as a dancer in 1991 on In Living Color and became a regular until 1993. Then in 1997, you rose to stardom in the movie Selena.
LOPEZ
I made over a million bucks. Now I have mega millions. And happily married to Ben Affleck.
JERRY
Isn’t he the duck on that insurance commercial?
LOPE
Don’t disrespect me. I’m from the Bronx.
JERRY
What a coincidence. I read online that a subway broke down in the Bronx today. They say the problem was under the hood.
LOPEZ
Estas loca! You are nuts!
JERRY
And you’ve had four husbands. No stability, girl,
CHENEY
(to J.Lo) Yeah. You know your marriage is over when you fall asleep on the couch and wake up on the couch.
LOPEZ
Nobody asked for your opinion. Your dad is a Dick…Vice President Dick Cheney.
CHENEY
Don’t compare us Cheney’s. We come from different backgrounds. Daddy was in charge when 9/11 happened. I’m the Vice Chair of the House Select Committee on the January 6 insurrection hearings.
JERRY
Your old man wasted thousands of American lives and billions of dollars on a war in Iraq that shouldn’t have been fought. He lied that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. Had a 13% approval rating when he left the White House in 2008.
CHENEY
Yep. That’s him.
JERRY
Sounds like daddy’s suffering from insanity.
CHENEY
No. He’s enjoying every minute of it.
JERRY
You’re a staunch Republican. Pro-military, pro-business, anti-abortion, and believe in fiscal and social conservatism.
CHENEY
I also believe in torture. That’s why I’m on your show.
JERRY
Your father had prisoners tortured. It backfired. Our enemies tortured captured Americans as a result.
CHENEY
Mr. Duncan, torture works. The other day an enemy carpenter in Guantanamo Bay was tortured. We ripped out his nails.
JERRY
You know, it’s a shame House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy wants to remove you from Congress. You won’t win your primary in Wyoming.
CHENEY
True. But I’ll get to go bird hunting with daddy. He’s improved a lot since accidentally shooting his friend in the face, neck and torso.
LOPEZ
You better learn how to play Duck, Duck, Goose.
CHENEY
You better learn how to keep a husband.
JERRY
Liz Cheney and J.Lo everyone. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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