King Charles III: Talk Radio Interview - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews King Charles III.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is King Charles III, King of the United Kingdom and 14 Commonwealth nations.

King Charles III by Dan Marsh — King Charles III. Photo by Dan Marsh, flickr.com.

JERRY

Good morning, Your Majesty. Before we get started, please accept my condolences.

CHARLES III

Thank you. Mum was quite a lady.

JERRY

No. I mean being married to Camilla Parker-Bowles.

CHARLES

That’s rude, Duncan. I’ve always loved Camilla. My old man forced me to marry Princess Diana. Pa pa said she was hot and Camilla was not.

JERRY

Well, your mother didn’t like her either. She called Camilla a wicked woman on your wedding day.

CHARLES

That’s tabloid rubbish.

JERRY

No, Sir. Your wife is so ugly, she scares blind people.

CHARLES

If I might say old chap, you’re bloody nuts.

JERRY

I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, Chucky. So what’s on your itinerary?

CHARLES

I’ll be touring the Commonwealth. Raising money for my charity Kilts for Graham.

JERRY

What’s that all about?

CHARLES

Senator Lindsey Graham is tired of wearing dresses behind closed doors, so now he can go out in public wearing kilts that we donate. It’s like wearing a dress, but Lindsey can pretend to be masculine.

JERRY

You know, I saw Bill Barr playing bag pipes in a mini kilt the other day on TV. I thought that showed lots of balls.

CHARLES

Hip hip hooray. What jolly fun.

JERRY

The death of your mother brought a bond between your sons. They were seen together in public, along with their wives. How did that come about?

CHARLES

Quite simple. I reinstated Harry’s salary of $6.9 million. Chump change really. But he and his wife Carolyn…Jasmine…Marilyn. Help me out, Duncan.

JERRY

Meghan.

CHARLES

Ah, yes. My mum was very fond of her. One day, Meghan asked for advice to a long life. The Queen said, “Wear a seat belt and don’t piss me off.”

CHARLES

Hey, Duncan. I’m having a big party at Windsor Castle as a celebration of life. Elton John and the Rolling Stones will be performing.

JERRY

Very cool.

CHARLES

Keith Richards and Mick Jagger came over to the castle a few years ago for dinner. Unfortunately, I undercooked the chicken and everyone got sick. I almost killed 2 Stones with 1 bird.

JERRY

Elton John is a bit chubby these days. The castle could collapse.

CHARLES

Yes. Elton has put on so much weight that he’s wearing oversized trousers so…Goodbye Normal Jeans.

JERRY

King Charles the third everyone. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(C) Dean B. Kaner

Author
Recent Posts

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.