Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews King Charles III.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is King Charles III, King of the United Kingdom and 14 Commonwealth nations.
JERRY
Good morning, Your Majesty. Before we get started, please accept my condolences.
CHARLES III
Thank you. Mum was quite a lady.
JERRY
No. I mean being married to Camilla Parker-Bowles.
CHARLES
That’s rude, Duncan. I’ve always loved Camilla. My old man forced me to marry Princess Diana. Pa pa said she was hot and Camilla was not.
JERRY
Well, your mother didn’t like her either. She called Camilla a wicked woman on your wedding day.
CHARLES
That’s tabloid rubbish.
JERRY
No, Sir. Your wife is so ugly, she scares blind people.
CHARLES
If I might say old chap, you’re bloody nuts.
JERRY
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, Chucky. So what’s on your itinerary?
CHARLES
I’ll be touring the Commonwealth. Raising money for my charity Kilts for Graham.
JERRY
What’s that all about?
CHARLES
Senator Lindsey Graham is tired of wearing dresses behind closed doors, so now he can go out in public wearing kilts that we donate. It’s like wearing a dress, but Lindsey can pretend to be masculine.
JERRY
You know, I saw Bill Barr playing bag pipes in a mini kilt the other day on TV. I thought that showed lots of balls.
CHARLES
Hip hip hooray. What jolly fun.
JERRY
The death of your mother brought a bond between your sons. They were seen together in public, along with their wives. How did that come about?
CHARLES
Quite simple. I reinstated Harry’s salary of $6.9 million. Chump change really. But he and his wife Carolyn…Jasmine…Marilyn. Help me out, Duncan.
JERRY
Meghan.
CHARLES
Ah, yes. My mum was very fond of her. One day, Meghan asked for advice to a long life. The Queen said, “Wear a seat belt and don’t piss me off.”
CHARLES
Hey, Duncan. I’m having a big party at Windsor Castle as a celebration of life. Elton John and the Rolling Stones will be performing.
JERRY
Very cool.
CHARLES
Keith Richards and Mick Jagger came over to the castle a few years ago for dinner. Unfortunately, I undercooked the chicken and everyone got sick. I almost killed 2 Stones with 1 bird.
JERRY
Elton John is a bit chubby these days. The castle could collapse.
CHARLES
Yes. Elton has put on so much weight that he’s wearing oversized trousers so…Goodbye Normal Jeans.
JERRY
King Charles the third everyone. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(C) Dean B. Kaner
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