Russian President Putin on Talk Radio - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Russian President Vladimir Putin.

ANNOUNCER RUSSIAN PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it Jerry Duncanova Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Bad job, Puty. Now get the hell out of here and go play with your nuclear weapons.

PUTIN

I your guest.

JERRY

Unfortunately.

PUTIN

Got joke.

JERRY

Lay it on me.

PUTIN

Why do Russian turkey cross road?

JERRY

No clue.

PUTIN

To prove he wasn’t chicken.

JERRY

You are certifiably crazy. But let’s talk about your latest evil scheme. Annexing four Ukrainian provinces.

PUTIN

No annex. I warn those people to visit Russia before Russia visit you. Look, Ukraine not legitimate country. They don’t have Walmart, only targets.

JERRY

You’re a war criminal. Invaded a sovereign nation.

PUTIN

Finder keeper. Loser weeper. Na na na na naaaa.

JERRY

The west is boycotting Russia. No more technology exports, or imports like mail order brides.

PUTIN

What Matt Gaetz gonna do? I end boycott. Want peace. A piece of Ukraine.

JERRY

That’s why everybody hates you.

PUTIN

No. Prostitute love me. I get to pee in face.

JERRY

Your buddy President Xi of China is a bully like you. He wants to invade Taiwan.

PUTIN

Maybe he bully, but how can I be? I so short, I can’t reach my goals.

JERRY

Speaking of short, I have President Zelensky on the line. Let’s all talk.

PUTIN

Only if he don’t bug me about when I annex Crimean Peninsula in 2014.

VOLODYMYR ZELENSKYY

I heard you, Vladdy Cakes. And Crimea always Ukraine. No Chicken Kiev for Russia!

PUTIN

No Crimea for Ukraine! Crimea River, Munchkin.

ZELENSKYY

We winning in Ukraine. Capture 2,317 square miles from stupid Russian. People in Russia protesting war.

PUTIN

No protest. Acting up to get free trip to Siberia.

JERRY

Puty. Don’t you have anything better to do with your life than kill and torture innocent people?

PUTIN

Yes. I working on presidential election in 2024.

JERRY

Another sham vote in Moscow.

PUTIN

No. I talking United States so Republican win.

JERRY

Vladimir Putin and Volodymyr Zelenskyy everyone. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(C) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.