Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews hip hop artist Kanye West.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is hip hop artist Kanye West.
KANYE WEST
Hey, man. I changed my name to Ye. By the way, what time is it? I’ve been up all night tweeting bad things about Jewish people.
JERRY
It’s half past a monkey’s ass, a quarter to his balls.
KANYE
Cool, bro.
JERRY
Not cool. You’re anti-Semitic. You said Jews intimidate with their power and control.
KANYE
Honky. How can I be anti-Semitic if I’m Jewish?
JERRY
What?!
KANYE
Yeah. I’m from the lost tribe of Judah. And a rabbi called me a schmuck. Don’t get more Jewish than that.
JERRY
No. You’re from a lost mind. Half of it wondered off and the other half went looking for it.
KANYE
Gimme a few hours. My mind can’t be far away. Wait. I think my ex, Kim Kardashian kept it in the divorce settlement. I’ll get back to you.
JERRY
Like I care.
KANYE
I wanna give a shout out to my homies on the south side of Chicago. You all know I love you. Alright, we’ll talk later. Peace!
JERRY
Isn’t that where bad, bad Leroy Brown lives?
KANYE
Wow! You can teach Black history.
JERRY
You recently pissed off Black people by passing out White Lives Matter T-shirts to homeless people. Doesn’t that diminish the lives of those who were murdered like George Floyd and Breonna Taylor?
KANYE
I’m an entrepreneur. My pocketbook matters.
KANYE
Duncan, I was married to a rich woman Kim Kardashian.
(rapping) Big, big booty, what you got a big booty,
big, big booty, I miss my big booty.
JERRY
(dancing) Yo, yo. Keepin it real. Big booty, big booty.
KANYE
I know how to solve the inflation problem, Duncan.
JERRY
How?
KANYE
Put 50 Cent into the treasury.
JERRY
Speaking of Kim. Where’s her father Robert Kardasian? Haven’t seen him in the news.
KANYE
He’s been dead for 19 years.
JERRY
What was I thinking?
KANYE
Maybe my ex-sister-in-law Bruce Jenner?
JERRY
He’s a she. Right?
KANYE
Yeah. Her name is Caitlin. I call her Tranny. She calls me Kanye East, because my hood is east of LA.
KANYE
I’m cultured like Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney.
JERRY
And none of them could sing either.
KANYE
100 percent.
JERRY
I understand you are purchasing Parler. A social media platform that promotes white supremacy. They say crap like Trump won the 2020 election. That it was stolen by evildoers like Democrats and minorities.
KANYE
(rapping)
Gonna hold on to you like Krazy Glue,
gonna hold on to you like Krazy Glue,
no matter what I do, I’m gonna sniff glue.
JERRY
Answer my question.
KANYE
Nah. Get your ass up and dance.
JERRY
Conspiracy man.
KANYE
I ain’t no conspiracist. I tell the truth like Tucker Carlson and Alex Jones. Do you know Vladimir Putin killed JFK? Princess Diana is secretly wed to E.T.?
JERRY
I’m outta here. Kanye West everyone.
KANYE
It’s Ye as in Kan-ye. I changed my name and lifestyle. I finally stopped drinking for good. Now I drink for evil.
JERRY
See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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