Hip Hop Artist Kanye West Interviewed - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews hip hop artist Kanye West.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is hip hop artist Kanye West.

KANYE WEST

Hey, man. I changed my name to Ye. By the way, what time is it? I’ve been up all night tweeting bad things about Jewish people.

JERRY

It’s half past a monkey’s ass, a quarter to his balls.

KANYE

Cool, bro.

JERRY

Not cool. You’re anti-Semitic. You said Jews intimidate with their power and control.

KANYE

Honky. How can I be anti-Semitic if I’m Jewish?

JERRY

What?!

KANYE

Yeah. I’m from the lost tribe of Judah. And a rabbi called me a schmuck. Don’t get more Jewish than that.

JERRY

No. You’re from a lost mind. Half of it wondered off and the other half went looking for it.

KANYE

Gimme a few hours. My mind can’t be far away. Wait. I think my ex, Kim Kardashian kept it in the divorce settlement. I’ll get back to you.

JERRY

Like I care.

KANYE

I wanna give a shout out to my homies on the south side of Chicago. You all know I love you. Alright, we’ll talk later. Peace!

JERRY

Isn’t that where bad, bad Leroy Brown lives?

KANYE

Wow! You can teach Black history.

JERRY

You recently pissed off Black people by passing out White Lives Matter T-shirts to homeless people. Doesn’t that diminish the lives of those who were murdered like George Floyd and Breonna Taylor?

KANYE

I’m an entrepreneur. My pocketbook matters.

KANYE

Duncan, I was married to a rich woman Kim Kardashian.

(rapping) Big, big booty, what you got a big booty,
big, big booty, I miss my big booty.

JERRY

(dancing) Yo, yo. Keepin it real. Big booty, big booty.

KANYE

I know how to solve the inflation problem, Duncan.

JERRY

How?

KANYE

Put 50 Cent into the treasury.

JERRY

Speaking of Kim. Where’s her father Robert Kardasian? Haven’t seen him in the news.

KANYE

He’s been dead for 19 years.

JERRY

What was I thinking?

KANYE

Maybe my ex-sister-in-law Bruce Jenner?

JERRY

He’s a she. Right?

KANYE

Yeah. Her name is Caitlin. I call her Tranny. She calls me Kanye East, because my hood is east of LA.

KANYE

I’m cultured like Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney.

JERRY

And none of them could sing either.

KANYE

100 percent.

JERRY

I understand you are purchasing Parler. A social media platform that promotes white supremacy. They say crap like Trump won the 2020 election. That it was stolen by evildoers like Democrats and minorities.

KANYE

(rapping)

Gonna hold on to you like Krazy Glue,
gonna hold on to you like Krazy Glue,
no matter what I do, I’m gonna sniff glue.

JERRY

Answer my question.

KANYE

Nah. Get your ass up and dance.

JERRY

Conspiracy man.

KANYE

I ain’t no conspiracist. I tell the truth like Tucker Carlson and Alex Jones. Do you know Vladimir Putin killed JFK? Princess Diana is secretly wed to E.T.?

JERRY

I’m outta here. Kanye West everyone.

KANYE

It’s Ye as in Kan-ye. I changed my name and lifestyle. I finally stopped drinking for good. Now I drink for evil.

JERRY

See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.