Dr. Anthony Fauci takes his medicine, now newly retired. Here he is as everyman, enjoying his first work-free week with the wife!
Dr. Fauci is newly retired this month, with time on his hands after over 50 years of public service working with HIV/Aids & Covid 19 & many U.S. Presidents, including the infamous ‘Chloroquine Trump’!
At home with the Faucis
MRS. FAUCI
I’m telling you – you snore!
DR. FAUCI
It’s a deviated septum.
MRS. FAUCI
And, the farting?
DR. FAUCI
I don’t hear it.
MRS. FAUCI
That’s right, you don’t wear your hearing aids to bed.
DR. FAUCI
Does your nose ever itch?
MRS. FAUCI
Must be the asparagus you ate last night.
DR. FAUCI
Ah hah – that explains the fragrance in the toilet bowl this morning.
MRS. FAUCI
Did you wash your hands after you went?
DR. FAUCI
Are you kidding – I wear rubber gloves to hold Dickie.
MRS. FAUCI
You haven’t called it that since our Honeymoon. It needs a new name.
DR. FAUCI
Ralph – I always liked that name.
MRS. FAUCI
That’s our Butcher – he had his thumb on the scale.
DR. FAUCI
And, that’s why you don’t want my Dickie to have his name?
MRS. FAUCI
I don’t want to spend breakfast talking about your Dickie! Go get me some macaroni for tonight.
DR. FAUCI
We had macaroni last night.
MRS. FAUCI
You can’t even remember what you ate – go take a walk, it’ll help your bowels.
DR. FAUCI
Now, I’m sorry I told you.
MRS. FAUCI
And eat roughage.
DR. FAUCI (under his breath)
Trump wasn’t this bad!
Could you pass the salt – my arm is stiff & when I stand up my hip makes a clicking sound.
MRS. FAUCI
When you were working, you never complained!
DR. FAUCI
I saved it up.
MRS. FAUCI
Is this going to be my life?
DR. FAUCI
If you don’t wanna listen – Mrs. Big Buzooms next door always has a smile for me.
MRS. FAUCI
When can you leave?
DR. FAUCI (under his breath)
Oh boy, is my life over!
MRS. FAUCI
What did you say?
DR. FAUCI
I said, I think I’ll go play with Ralph!
MRS. FAUCI
You know what – go get me some macaroni!
C’mon now folks! Everybody knows Ralph was a Golfer too! haha
For more laughs, check out one of my favorite 2020 vintage articles, Dr. Anthony Fauci — Our Little Old Italian Shoe Cobbler.
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