The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Kim Kardashian

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Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews celebrity entrepreneur and socialite Kim Kardashian.

ANNOUNCER

From under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is.

Today on the show my guest is celebrity entrepreneur and socialite Kim Kardashian. She is here to discuss Airhead Awareness Week.

socialite Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Socialite Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Image by Cosmopolitan UK, CC BY 3.0.

JERRY

Good morning, Kim.

KIM KARDASHIAN

Hello Jerry.

Jerry places a flashlight near her ear.

KIM

What are you doing with the flashlight?

JERRY

I’m going to make your eyes twinkle.

KIM

Put that thing down. It could damage my brain.

JERRY

What brain? You married Kanye West.

KIM

I was out of my mind. I admit it. That’s how I got involved as a spokesperson for Airhead Awareness Week.

JERRY

No, you’re from a lost mind. Half of it wondered off and the other half went looking for it. Anyway, tell me about the organization.

KIM

Sure. Being an airhead affects everyone directly or indirectly through family, friends or coworkers. Millions of Americans face an alternative world living in the real world. It  is very prevalent in Valley girls and New York City cab drivers. I’m sure there is someone in your family that’s an airhead.

KIM

Be honest, Jerry.

JERRY

Okay. My late mother.

There is an unexplainable interruption in the conversation. Strange sounds are heard. They are connected again, as Maggie Duncan speaks from heaven.

MAGGIE DUNCAN

Jerry. How dare you insinuate I’m an airhead! I’m not stupid or crazy, just special. No wait. Maybe I am crazy? Hmm…one second. I need to talk to myself about his…hold on, son.

KIM

Our theme this year is “What I Wish I Had Known.” We try to help people in need of treatment. The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, Jerry.

JERRY

Too late. I’m already out of the womb. Speaking of airheads. Why did your old man Robert Kardashian defend OJ Simpson after he murdered his wife Nicole in 1994?

KIM

OJ befriended my dad when they were in college. He took a stab in the dark.

JERRY

OJ sure used a lot of F bombs during the murder trial.

KIM

Wasn’t the F bomb dropped on Japan during World War 2?

JERRY

Do we live in the same universe, Kimster? Just sayin.

MAGGIE

Help me, Kim!

KIM

Okay, Mrs. Duncan.

MAGGIE

Call me Maggie. Pretend you’re my friend.

JERRY

You have no friends.

KIM

I’ll pretend, Maggie. Is there anything you feel is causing your depression as an airhead?  A specific incident, perhaps a series of events during your life?

MAGGIE

I’m trying to think, but nothing happens. Wait…the breakup with Curly of The 3 Stooges has been bothering me. I was humiliated when his brother Moe called me “a smart ignoramus.” And when Curly laughed, I told him we were through.

KIM

Don’ feel guilty, it was meant to be. Nyuk, nyuk, nuyk. Start seeing other people. That’s what I did after Kanye and I separated. The LA Dodgers spent more time in my bedroom than on the baseball field.

MAGGIE

You think I should date a team?

JERRY

Try the Clydesdales.

MAGGIE

Stop it. I’m your mother, not Seabiscuit.

KIM

What do you think?

MAGGIE

I feel better already. Thank you.

JERRY

Bye, Mother. May an elephant caress you with his toes.

JERRY

Kim Kardashian and my mother everyone.

 

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

Dean Kaner
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