Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a spy platform! No, it’s just a lonely birthday balloon that escaped a party.
A white orb was discovered in the skies of Montana and was first thought to be a another Chinese spy device, but it turned out to be a disgruntled birthday balloon that escaped yet another gathering of family and friends singing the Anglo Saxon version of “Happy Birthday.”
When asked to elaborate, the balloon appeared deflated and explained, “As soon as I heard the first monotone uttering of the words ‘happy birthday,’ I up and bounced. I didn’t even stay to see the 10 year old boy blow out the gold candles on his Roblox birthday cake.”
Multiple reporters inquired as to why the popular version of the song bothers the balloon so much. Upon hearing this question, the party balloon, purchased from a Montana Family Dollar yet labeled by detractors a Communist China spy, became embittered and responded angrily, “Has no one of light complexion ever heard the Stevie Wonder version?!”
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