And 9 other pie-in-the-sky promises from Donald Trump at CPAC!
Donald Trump at CPAC gave the closing speech, saying ‘this is my final battle’ & ‘I will prevent WWIII if Putin will just move to Florida!’
Top 10 Trump promises if he becomes president again
10. ‘I will keep men out of women’s shorts (I mean SPORTS’)
9. ‘I will hold China responsible for unleashing COVID’ & for the bad ‘egg foo young’ I had last night! Urp!
8. We’ll continue to look for Hilary’s emails in Hunter Biden’s laptop!
7. No president will be shut out of social media ever again or in our bedroom, Melania!
6. We’ll only have ‘paper ballots,’ every political party will have their own ‘drop box’ & Mike Pence will give out 8×10 glossies of me!
5. ‘I want to re-name schools’ – starting with Donald Trump Junior High & cafeterias featuring ‘The McTrump Filet of Tastes like Chicken’!
4. My border wall will show movies only on the Mexican side! Free popcorn! Drinks $100, no Pesos!
3. We will keep using gas stoves & gas guzzling cars & apologize to Elon Musk with a fruit basket!
2. When I win, April Fool’s Day will be a day off & ‘We’re going to walk down Pennsylvania Avenue & we’re going to the Capitol’… and find restrooms!
And #1…
Now I’m experienced & know the people in Washington – my maid who washes my underwear, my plumber who cried & said WTF & the secret service wimp who wouldn’t give me the wheel on January 6th!
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