Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene and Congresswoman Lauren Boebert.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Sure is, because I don’t have hemorrhoids. My guests today are Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Mean and Colorado Congresswoman Lauren Burp Burp. Both Republicans.
JERRY
Hello ladies.
CONGRESSWOMAN MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE
What’s the big idea?! You mispronounced our names.
CONGRESSWOMAN LAUREN BOEBERT
Yeah. We almost did’t make it here.
JERRY
Why?
GREENE
We were running late at a secession meeting. Couldn’t decide if we should give Arizona to the blue states. But in the end, couldn’t let down fellow conspiracists Paul Gosar, Andy Biggs and Kari Lake. Arizona is officially in the red column.
JERRY
In your United States, there won’t be any laws for governing. Guns will rule the day. Pollution will choke your peeps to death. And don’t forget, you two idiots will lose your job titles in Congress because there won’t be a DC. That’s a blue district.
GREENE
The government is out to get you, Duncan. In my position on the Homeland Security committee, I will deport anyone who doesn’t think like me.
BOEBERT
You go girl! And now that I’m on the Oversight committee, I will change all the laws. We will finally be lawless.
One of the first things on my agenda is to welcome Putin to the U.S.
GREENE
And bring back Trump as president. No need for elections.
JERRY
Isn’t it true you two Nobel prize winners put M&M’s in your ears hoping to listen to Eminem?
GREENE
It was genius. But for some reason, I couldn’t make a connection. Look. I won my congressional district with 64% of the votes. I can do what I want. I have a lot of support from good people like the militants who stormed the U.S. Capitol building on January 6.
JERRY
The wing nuts love you—Jim Jordan, Andy Biggs, Mo Brooks, Mark Meadows.
GREENE
Don’t forget Louie Gohmert.
JERRY
Do you know how to get Gohmert to wear a face mask?
GREENE
No.
JERRY
Convince him to storm the Capitol building again.
GREENE
Good idea, Duncan.
JERRY
Let’s go over some of your accusations. You said that a plane never crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11.
GREENE
That’s right. The Secretary of Defense was passing out donuts. Governor Chris Christie happened to be nearby and lunged for the box. He missed it and crashed into the building.
JERRY
You agreed with fellow Right Wing extremists to decertify the results of the 2020 presidential election in Georgia.
GREENE
The election was rigged. Donald Trump won.
JERRY
No. Joe Biden won. The votes were certified three times and it put the Big Lie to rest.
GREENE
C’mon. The votes were counted by Chinese President Xi Jinping Pong from an apartment building in Chinatown. It was Wong on so many levels.
JERRY
Oh. Here’s another oldie, but goodie. You said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is “our enemy within the House of Representatives.” And threatened violence against her.
GREENE
Not against her. Against her hair. Pelosi is so full of dandruff that when she shakes her head, it’s considered a snow day.
JERRY
One last statement. You said inhaling carbon monoxide keeps you safe from the coronavirus.
GREENE
True. I’m going to suck a tailpipe when this interview ends.
JERRY
Get real. We need oxygen to breathe?
BOEBERT
What’s oxygen?
JERRY
Since you don’t know, I guess that makes you an “oxymoron.”
BOEBERT
Thank you, Duncan. Finally, someone complimented me for my intelligence.
JERRY
Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert everyone. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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