Jerry Duncan Interviews Ron DeSantis - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Not really. Today on the show my guest is Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.

JERRY

Welcome, Governor.

GOVERNOR RON DESANTIS

Not thrilled to be here, but I need the publicity.

JERRY

Knock, knock.

DESANTIS

Who’s there?

JERRY

Jerry.

DESANTIS

Jerry who?

JERRY

Gerrymandering. You changed the boundaries in Florida so Republicans can win elections.

DESANTIS

That’s an outdated term, Duncan. It’s called “Cheat to Defeat.” Perfectly legal.

JERRY

Disney just sued you, because you’ve had a targeted campaign of government retaliation against them for defending LGBTQ rights.

DESANTIS

You know why?

JERRY

Because you’re an asshole?

DESANTIS

No. They oppose the Don’t Say Gay bill. I don’t want any kid to know about gender identity in school grades k-12.

JERRY

Then why do you believe it’s okay if teenage girls have babies?

DESANTIS

Because they can have a reality show on MTV. It’s American entrepreneurship.

JERRY

No wonder Trump named you Meatball Ron.

JERRY

You signed a six week abortion ban into law. You’re against DACA. Oppose recreational marijuana. Against a minimum wage increase. Drafted legislation to protect Confederate monuments, and support election law restrictions.

DESANTIS

What’s the point?

JERRY

You’re a douchbag, Meatball. So 80’s. Everything in Florida is in the 80’s. The average temperature, humidity, and your IQ. You’re living in yesterday.

DESANTIS

No. I’m not! I oppose mask mandates. I’m selling merchandise for my upcoming presidential election campaign with cool slogans like “Don’t Fauci America” on T-shirts. And I train alligators to circumcise baby boys in Miami.

JERRY

Mickey Mouse is dying to join our conversation. He’s pissed off about your plan to build a prison next to Disney World.

DESANTIS

Go ahead. I want the scoop on why Tigger has Pooh inside him.

Jerry calls Mickey.

JERRY

Mickey. It’s Jerry Duncan.

MICKEY MOUSE

Put pimple puss on the line.

JERRY

Okay. Here we go.

All three on the call.

DESANTIS

What’s the problem, Julius Cheeser?

MICKEY

It’s Mickey. And I have a problem with you!

DESANTIS

Bring it on.

MICKEY

Disney World employs over 77,000 people. We pay part of your salary. Now you’re thinking about building a prison next to the Magic Kingdom for spite.

DESANTIS

That’s right. I want you and your cartoon cronies to disappear forever.

MICKEY

(angry) You mark my word, climate denier. Florida will be under water one day. Minnie and I could be sleeping with you and your wife in a waterbed. And one thing we don’t like are rats!

DESANTIS

(sweating)

I’m going to have nightmares, cheesehead. Can we do a deal?

MICKEY

Sure. You can build your prison, as long as you and all the Trumps are locked up in it forever.

JERRY

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and Mickey Mouse. See you tomorrrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.