Adam Schiff: Jerry Duncan Interview - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Adam Schiff (D-CA) and Anna Paulina Luna (R-FL).

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Maybe. Today on the show my guests are Democratic representative from California Adam Schiff and Republican House representative from Florida Anna Paulina Luna.

Adam Schiff by DonkeyHotey — Adam Schiff. Caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

JERRY

Anna. Not many people know about you. Nor would they want to.

ANNA PAULINE LUNA

That’s a low blow, Duncan.

JERRY

Not really. You were the person who spearheaded the MAGA Republicans in the House to censure Adam Schiff over his comments about former President Trump and his investigation into Trump’s ties to Russia. And wanted to fine him $16 million dollars. Thankfully it didn’t pass.

LUNA

Damn. It would have covered Trump’s payment to E. Jean Carroll for the money he’s going to owe her for the damages pertaining to sexual assault, battery, and defamation. It’s all a witch hunt.

JERRY

Just for that insane remark, you are hereby being addressed as Looney.

ADAM SCHIFF

Welcome to my world, Jerry. I’ve long been a target of Republicans. Congresswoman Luna is a habitual liar.

JERRY

How so?

SCHIFF

She said that she graduated from UCLA law school.

JERRY

Did you Looney?

LUNA

Next question.

SCHIFF

I’ll answer for her. Congresswoman Luna only has a 4-year college degree. Her greatest accomplishment was being a cocktail waitress and posing provocatively in Hometown Hottie and Maxim.

JERRY

Is that true Looney?

LUNA

Yeah. I’m a hottie. Sometimes I get the urge to run around naked. But then I drink Windex, because it keeps me from streaking.

JERRY

You’re 34 years old. A baby compared to Senator Dianne Feinstein.

LUNA

Yep. Dianne is the only person I know who was a friend of First Lady Martha Washington.

JERRY

You’re also the youngest member in Congress of Mexican heritage.

LUNA

Si Senor.

JERRY

Hey. Do you know what they call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

LUNA

No clue.

JERRY

Roberto!

Schiff laughs.

LUNA

What are you laughing at hyena boy?

SCHIFF

I read your paternal grandfather was German and served in the Wehrmacht during World War 2.

LUNA

That’s right.

SCHIFF

Then he must have tied his shoes with little knotsies.

JERRY

Looney. You tried to take down our leaders AG Merrick Garland, FBI director Christoper Wray, and Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas. Even harassed Veep Kamala Harris at an airport.

SCHIFF

The Congresswoman is an anarchist, Jerry. She hates government.

LUNA

At least I helped get Schiff off the Intelligence Committee.

JERRY

Looney. At least he has intelligence. Adam Schiff and Anna Pauline Luna everyone. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

Author
Recent Posts

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.