Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.
MARK ZUCKERBERG
I’m Tinky Winky, the purple Teletubby. I’m the biggest of the four. I dine on McDonald’s triple cheeseburgers with my friend Donald Trump. We call him Noo-Noo, because he’s orange.
MARK
Sorry, Mr. Duncan. I was FaceTiming a story with my little daughter.
JERRY
No problem. Thanks for being here.
MARK
I’ll regret it.
JERRY
Absolutely. You’ll wish you were in the hot seat in Congress again.
JERRY
You’re 39 years old. At 23, you became the world’s youngest self-made billionaire. You are the 11th wealthiest person in the world.
MARK
It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor. At the end of the day, it’s night. But it’s nice to know I have $85 billion dollars and you don’t. Na na na na na.
JERRY
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, nerd.
JERRY
You’ve had your share of lawsuits. Had to settle a case with three men for 1.2 million shares of Facebook, and $20 million in cash for pilfering a business idea that made you millions when you were at Harvard.
MARK
I made up for my discretions, Duncan. I established the Chan Zuckerberg initiative to help the global economy by transforming lives of the underprivileged.
JERRY
Chan? Did you really say Chan?
MARK
Yep.
JERRY
Any relation to Charlie Chan? I love his old movies.
MARK
Not that Chan. My wife Priscilla Chan. Old Chinese saying around our house. “Man who eat many prunes get run for money.”
JERRY
I also have a saying. “Don’t barf in the Apple Store, because they don’t have Windows.”
MARK
I don’t get it.
JERRY
Call Bill Gates. But I’m warning you, Bill is in a bad mood. He’s still upset his ex-wife kept the house, and he just got the windows.
MARK
Not good.
JERRY
The American public has concerns. You don’t have control over the content of your company. Anybody can spread lies and you give them a platform. The Russians interfered with our elections in 2016 and 2020. The Chinese did the same thing in the 2022 midterm. What’s up with that?
MARK
It wasn’t a threat to democracy.
A call comes through that is heard on the console.
JERRY
Speaking of threats to democracy, Republican Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene wants to join our conversation.
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE
Hey, Zuckerberg. What’s the big idea of suspending me on Facebook? I told the truth about mask mandates being like the Holocaust.
MARK
You repeatedly violated our rules about spreading misinformation.
GREENE
You’re stupid. Does underpants protect you from a fart? I have free speech. It’s in the Thirtieth Amendment.
JERRY
(Shakes head in disbelief)
Did anyone ever tell you that you’re a moron?
GREENE
Just my parents.
JERRY
C’mon. There’s got to be more people.
GREENE
Okay…my kids.
JERRY
Tell the truth, Blunder Woman.
GREENE
Congress, the American public, God. Are you satisfied?
JERRY
I am.
GREENE
Good. I have an important message for your listeners.
JERRY
Go ahead.
GREENE
(to listeners)
If you’ve been a victim of Jewish space lasers, call 1-800-445-6300.
MARK
You’re an anti-Semite!
GREENE
My fearless leader Donald Trump said, “There are very good people on both sides.”
JERRY
Not on your side, QAnon mom. Mark Zuckerberg and Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene everyone. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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