The Melania Secret Diary reveals more than just Valet Walt Nauta’s Shoeshine Tips!
Entries from the Melania secret diary:
July 2023, Mar-a-Lago
Dear Diary,
Damn – it’s 2 am & Donald just woke me up with a nightmare! I was in my bedroom 2 blocks away & he was screaming, ‘JACK SMITH, JACK SMITH’!
Donald’s valet, Walt Nauta just came into my bedroom. This is our conversation.
WALT
‘We’ can’t sleep!
ME
Sleep head to toe like I did!
WALT
He’s strangling me with his Duvet!
ME
Give him a Hot Toddy with Coke in it.
WALT
Through a nipple?
ME
Where are you from? No, my nipples are closed until we step into the White House again!
WALT
You really want him to win in ’24, don’t you?
ME
No, I’m rooting for Jack Smith!
WALT
Maybe you can help me. ‘The Boss’ just showed me a Nuclear Plans document & I don’t know whether to say ‘Thank you’, ‘They look fine to me’ or ‘Now I’m complicit’!
ME
I saw that one too! Did Donald ever get in touch with Carlos DeOliveira, Mar-a-Lago’s Security guy – something about deleting security footage?
WALT
Yes, he refused to do it & nobody’s seen him for weeks!
ME
I warned Donald, ‘No Murder’!
WALT
You’re a little late! Right now Journalist & TV Personality, Geraldo Rivera’s draining the Koi Pond & really wants this Scoop!
WALT
Remember Geraldo & ‘Al Capone’s Vault’ in 1986?
ME
No, I was in Slovenia & was a Vestal Virgin! Donald broke my Vestal!
Give me a break! I never heard of that word until Mel Brooks’ movie, “History of the World” Part I haha
ME
Walt, my English is not so good – what’s ‘Final Nail’?
WALT
THAT’S ALL FOLKS!
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