The Jerry Duncan Show: Boston Trip

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Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews his late mother.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is my late mother Maggie Duncan. You heard me right.

MAGGIE DUNCAN

I love you, Jerry. Tell me you love me back.

JERRY

No time for small talk. I’m chillin after my trip to Boston.

MAGGIE

I thought a vacation would change you.

JERRY

It did. I have more anxiety.

MAGGIE

Why my favorite son?

JERRY

I’m your only child.

MAGGIE

You’re right. Thank goodness.

JERRY

Get this. The plane didn’t take off until midnight. In addition to being tired, I was cranky. Especially after some fat man fell on top of me walking down the four foot aisle. The guy had more rolls than a bakery.

MAGGIE

Oh my. Are you okay?

JERRY

Other than two cracked ribs. But that’s not all that happened. A woman in front of me had baked beans for dinner.

MAGGIE

How do you know?

JERRY

Because all of us were gagging and holding our noses. I heard a boy tell his mother there was a skunk on the plane, not realizing it was her. The flight attendant had to give the kid oxygen.

MAGGIE

How awful. Especially since we have a gas shortage. So tell me about Boston.

JERRY

Okay. The first day I walked Freedom Trail.

MAGGIE

That’s what your father and I did on our honeymoon. So historical. We went to the grave site of Paul Revere. He had 16 children, Jerry.

JERRY

The British weren’t the only ones coming.

MAGGIE

Stop it. Always with the jokes.

MAGGIE

Did you go to Fenway Park?

JERRY

Yep. Boston lived up to it’s name Beantown. I got hit in the head by a foul ball. The bad news, I was delirious. The good news, I wasn’t thinking about my cracked ribs.

MAGGIE

Who came to your aid?

JERRY

The team mascot Tessie the Green Monster. I was so out of my mind that I asked her out. But it ended quickly when her boyfriend Wally the Green Monster threatened my life.

MAGGIE

Seems every business in Boston has a mascot. Even TSA at Logan Airport has one. His name is Frisky.

JERRY

(sarcastic) Great. Nothing like getting goosed by a puppet.

MAGGIE

Airports are dangerous. I heard today that a woman fainted and was slumped over onto the luggage carousel. Thank goodness she slowly came around.

JERRY

It wouldn’t hurt for you to do a few rounds on the carousel. Might unclog your brain.

MAGGIE

Sounds like you’re miserable.

JERRY

Not at all. The last day, I spent a happy afternoon at the New England Aquarium. Love those penguins.

MAGGIE

You love penguins more than me.

JERRY

There’s no comparison. You have a better backstroke.

MAGGIE

That makes me feel good. I love you, Jerry.

JERRY

Slow down. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment.  You’re going way too fast.

MAGGIE

It was good you visited Boston.

JERRY

Yeah. But on my flight home, a 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from Boston got into a fight. It was unbelievable. Calling each other names and trying to beat the hell out of each other.

MAGGIE

Who won?

JERRY

The 5th grader from Alabama, because he was 18 years old.

JERRY

My mother Maggie Duncan. See you tomorrow.

 

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

Dean Kaner
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