Trump Lies About Weight and Height - Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

After a traumatic day getting booked & humiliated, while lying about his weight and height, Donald Trump returns home to Melania in heat.

BEDMINSTER, NEW JERSEY

Donald Trump comes straight home from lying about his weight and height and getting booked at the Fulton County Jail in Georgia. Let’s listen in.

MELANIA

So how was your day?

TRUMP

Lost a few balls.

MELANIA

Why you play golf 7 days a week?

TRUMP

It keeps me out of trouble.

MELANIA

Today I thought we could, you know – ‘Hide the Kielbasa’.

TRUMP

Salami. Salami.

MELANIA

I hate Salami – why can’t we?

TRUMP (looks down)

I got nothin’.

MELANIA

I should’ve been 1st wife – she got everything!

TRUMP

Yeah, and a choice spot under the 18th Hole!

MELANIA

Promise you won’t bury me like that – I want view of ocean.

TRUMP

I can arrange that – you ain’t no Esther Williams. haha

MELANIA

I see they took your picture at the Golf Club today.

TRUMP

Yeah, it’s an annual sales promotion & I’m still mad! The damn locker room shower didn’t have any Conditioner today!

MELANIA

Did you call the police?

TRUMP

They were already there!

Melania has sudden indigestion & makes a loud gulping sound.

MELANIA

Sorry, it was just a Perp.

TRUMP

You mean Burp! Your English is getting worse! You’re gonna be the death of me.

MELANIA

No – it’ll be Jack Smith, Fani Willis & McDonald’s Fries!

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha