Bob Menendez Interview: Jerry Duncan - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Democratic Senator Bob Menendez.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? You bet. Today on the show my guest is Democratic Senator Bob Menendez from the state of New Jersey.

JERRY

Good morning, Senator.

BOB MENENDEZ

Good to be with you.

JERRY

It won’t be when we’re through. Did you ever wonder why New Jersey is called the Garden State?

BOB

There’s lots of flowers?

JERRY

No. Because landfill and toxic waste doesn’t fit on a license plate.

BOB

Now it makes sense.

JERRY

You are 69 years old. The son of Cuban immigrants. A lawyer by profession.

BOB

I’m ambitious. Got the bug to be in politics. Worked my way up from being the mayor of Union City, New Jersey to U.S. Senator for 17 years.

JERRY

Yet, you have a dark side. Indicted twice. First in 2015 on federal corruption charges, then accepting bribes in exchange for influencing military aid to Egypt as chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

BOB

I was acquitted of the federal corruption charges in 2015 because of a hung jury. And I will be acquitted again. I am innocent.

JERRY

Really, Little Havana? When the FBI raided your house, they found $500,000 of bills stuffed in your jacket pockets and envelopes. Gold bars under your mattress. There are fingerprints of a developer on the goods.

BOB

Let me explain. When my parents lived in Cuba, they kept money in their home so Castro wouldn’t confiscate it. And I feared he would come back from the dead and rob the bank where I kept my money.

JERRY

(laughs) That makes sense. Bahahaha.

BOB

As for the gold bars, I had some teeth extracted and the good fairy put them under my mattress.

JERRY

It isn’t just you that’s been indicted. Also, your wife Nadine.

BOB

The love of my life. The woman has a great sense of humor. I remember how hard Nadine laughed when her Armenian father said he would chop off my head with a sword after I proposed.

JERRY

That’s funny?

BOB

I didn’t take it seriously. He was referring to cutting edge technology.

JERRY

The pen is mightier than the sword, Bobber. And easier to write with.

JERRY

You recently got kicked off as chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. Where are you going?

BOB

To Disneyland! I’ve been dying to go, so I bribed Make-A-Wish Foundation.

JERRY

Well, I got bad news. Mickey Mouse hung himself.

BOB

What?!

JERRY

But don’t worry, it was suspended animation. Senator Bob Menendez. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.