Mrs. Claus gives Santa aka Kris Kringle aka BowlFullofJelly a ‘Deck the Halls Pass’!
It’s true! Santa wants to trade-in the old Mrs for a brand new Better-Half-his-age on-line!
Mrs. Claus says it’s just a phase & his new on-line pics prove it!
Clara says, ‘What can I do? During sex Mr Kringle calls out all nine reindeer names plus his before he gets to mine: ‘Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Rudolph & Blinzes’!
‘You know that old saying, ‘There may be snow on the roof, but there’s fire in the furnace’!
‘Ha! Well, our furnace hasn’t worked since…Eisenhower‘!
‘With him, there’s always Good News & Bad News: Mr. Wonderful can find the John in the middle of the night…but can’t unbuckle his frigin’ Red Suit in time’!
‘He’ll find out you don’t always get what you want & I’ve got millions of Wish Lists here to prove it: Little Johnny wants a Doll, Little Susie wants a Truck & Marilyn Sands wants him to read her funny new book “CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS?” On-Line Dating Straight Lines found on Amazon’!
I’m sorry! haha
‘Lookie, lookie – I found my poor little dear’s Dating Profile in his sock drawer next to his Viagra! Looks like he has 2 ‘About Me’ lists – one he posted & another in case the first one doesn’t work!
‘Help me decide if he’s ‘Naughty or Nice’ & whether I should take him back ‘as is’!
- JOLLY
- DRIVE AT NIGHT
- WORK FROM HOME 364 DAYS A YEAR!
- DON’T EXERCISE! Okay – get in sleigh, get out of sleigh!
- WON’T RELOCATE – but know how to stack wood!
- WHEN I SAY I’M OUT BOWLING – I’m out bowling!
- ONCE HAD A FLING WITH THE TOOTH FAIRY!
- LOVE ME SOME LAP DANCES!
- HAVE KIDS, DON’T WANT KIDS – don’t want your kids!
- LIKE TO RUN AROUND THE HOUSE NAKED WEARING TINSEL!
- SMELL LIKE AN ASHTRAY!
- WILL SHAVE MY BELOVED BEARD OFF IN EXCHANGE FOR – well, a truly benevolent gesture!
‘Oh look – my honey has only one deal breaker’!
- ‘No HO HO HO’s’!
‘He loves me’!
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