Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
Presidential Candidate Nikki Haley: ‘When I’m president, you’ll need a social media license to drive around the internet.’
In an exclusive interview with SNN gobbeldygook reporter Knick Knack Paddywack, GOP presidential candidate Nikki Haley stated, “Any idiot can post anything on social media platforms without revealing their true identity and location. I will change all that. You will need a government issued ID — a social media license — to post online, and your true identity will be displayed on all your posts.”
When asked about persons outside the US, she stated that without the ID, their posts will not be seen on US screens.
When asked if this is not censorship, she replied, “No this is protecting Americans from world lunacy. You’re welcome.”
Breaking News
Crazed New York Woman Runs Through Subway Injecting Men With Syringes Filled With the Peyronie’s Disease Virus.
House of Unamerican Activities Committee to Investigate Why New York Yankees, New York Mets, New York Giants and New York Jets All Suck.
SNN Words to Live By
“Shoo shoo gobbagobbadiddlit.” — Little Eva, Let’s Turkey Trot, 1963 song.
“If you want some, your ass better be bad enough to take some.” — Pro wrestler Booker T.
“Life is one big pressure.” — George Stienbrenner.
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