Comedienne Roseanne Barr Interview - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews comedienne Roseanne Barr.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it s good morning? Absolutely. Today on the show my guest is comedienne Roseanne Barr.

JERRY

Good morning, Roseanne.

ROSEANNE BARR

Hi Jerry.

JERRY

Haven’t heard from you in awhile.

BARR

I’ve been vegetatin’ in Hawaii. Now I’m on “the stump for Trump.” Hey, that rhymes don’t it.

JERRY

You’re a big 2024 Trump supporter.

BARR

Damn straight. Nothin better than a good conspiracy theory. The man is a very stable genius.

JERRY

If lies were bricks, Trump would have built that wall on the Mexican border by now.

BARR

Trump had a better idea. He ordered NASA to find illegal aliens.

JERRY

I read in the National Enquirer that your ex-husband Tom Arnold said you purposely sabotaged The Conners sitcom so it would be cancelled in 2018. Your racist tweets about Valerie Jarrett, former senior advisor to President Obama gave the network no choice.

BARR

Is Valerie Jarrett alive?

JERRY

Yes.

BARR

F her.

JERRY

Actress Rita Moreno said, “You are a sorry excuse for a human being.”

BARR

If I had poisoned Rita 30 years ago, I’d be on parole by now.

JERRY

Comedienne Wanda Sykes said, “Roseanne is just an old lady who shouldn’t be on X.”

BARR

Wanda is a washed up no talent. Her hair is bigger than my mouth.

JERRY

So what are you doing to help the Trump campaign?

BARR

I’m writin’ racist jokes for his rallies. The rubes love ’em.

JERRY

Like what?

BARR

Why do Mexicans have small steering wheels?

JERRY

I don’t know.

BARR

So they can’t drive them with handcuffs. Actually, I wrote the joke with Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio. He’s still pissed off about the Alamo.

JERRY

(sarcastic) Wonderful.

BARR

Wrote some church sermons this mornin’ when I was drinkin’ beer. Nothin like a good sermon to make you feel stupid.

JERRY

Sure. Let your stupidity be a shining light for MAGA Republicans. Have you ever been treated for mental illness?

BARR

Yeah. I gave up a baby in a mental hospital when I was 16. I was really messed up.

JERRY

Did your child every try to find you?

BARR

Nah. But every time I push out a turd into the toilet, I think of her.

JERRY

Why don’t you leave politics? Do something good for humanity.

BARR

I just donated $1,000 to a charity for blind children. I doubt they’ll ever see it. Here’s somethin interestin’. Ray Charles met his wife on a blind date. There’s hope for you, Jerry.

JERRY

Are you sure a coconut didn’t fall on your head?

BARR

Don’t mess with me. I’m outta meds.

JERRY

And here I thought I was nuts. Roseanne Barr everyone. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.