[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Marjorie Taylor Greene Releases Tell-All Book

MTG shovels the dirt on friends and foes alike in new tell-all book.

Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R), representing Georgia’s 6th Congressional district since 2021, has come out with a tell-all book, a memoir of her years of political enlightenment which she states began in 2015, with the escalator ride taken in Trump Tower by future President Donald J. Trump.

tell-all book, Marjorie Taylor Greene
MTG counts how many actual facts are in her new tell-all book. Photo by Gage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 2.0.

In the book, titled I’d Drink His Bathwater: My Loyalty to The Donald, Greene recounts the highlights of her career so far. For example, she promulgates many controversial political (conspiracy) theories, including that the 9/11 2001 attack on the Twin Towers in New York was a so-called inside job, perpetrated by elements of the “deep state.” Greene states the actual perpetrators were not Saudi radicals, but in fact Jews and seminal figures of the nascent Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement.

Another theory put forth by Greene is that the spate of destructive wildfires which ravaged the Pacific Northwest some five years ago was the work of space lasers manipulated by Rothschild family “bad Jews.” Said Greene: “They’re always up to shit.”

Still another conspiracy theory she sets forth in detail is that rogue Democrats, also enmeshed in the deep state, operated a cannibalistic child-sex-trafficking ring out of a Washington D.C. pizza parlor. “They wasn’t just puttin’ pepperonis on them pies,” claimed Greene in a post on Twitter. Hillary Clinton, stated Greene, “was the bitch behind this disgraceful episode.”

Greene, who divorced her husband of more than 30 years in 2022, has been linked romantically in the tabloids with former President Donald J. Trump. When Trump was temporarily incarcerated in Fulton County, Georgia last year, to have his mug shot and fingerprints taken, Greene allegedly had a conjugal visit with the ex-president. Trump reportedly said that if such interludes continued to occur, then he’d “be happy to spend more time in the clink.”

MTG’s political career has been a mixed bag. Although she was stripped of her committee assignments during her first term, due to imprudent public remarks and posts on social platforms, Greene. a fast friend of former Speaker Kevin McCarthy, has in her second term gained membership on the House Committee on Oversight and Accountability and the House Committee on Homeland Security where, she wrote, she has “consistently raised hell.” She has personally introduced bills to impeach some 40 members of the Biden administration, including all the cabinet members.

On Jan. 20, 2021, Greene introduced a bill of impeachment against newly-inaugurated President Joe Biden. It was his first day on the job. And she has said that she would move to vacate the Speaker’s chair if new Speaker Mike Johnson managed to pass legislation which would afford military aid to Ukraine, which is involved in an on-going war with Russia.

“That there’s a territorial dispute,” cried Greene on the House floor, gnashing her teeth. “We got no business helping out them Ukraine Nazis,” she recounted, quoting herself. Greene went on to write that, when Donald Trump is reelected, then “he’ll nuke them sons’o’bitches!”

Green concludes her tell-all book by looking to the future, a future with Donald J. Trump at America’s helm. “Trump has already had a big effect on my life,” she wrote. Emulating the 45th president, she has taken up golf. She said her low score matches her record at the dead lift — 325.

“I would,” she quipped on the last page of the memoir, quoting the book’s title, “drink Trump’s bath water.”

Bill Tope
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