Tim Scott Interview: Jerry Duncan Show - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Republican Senator from South Carolina Tim Scott.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Republican Senator from South Carolina Tim Scott.

Tim Scott — Photo: Gage Skidmore, flickr.com, Creative Commons.

JERRY

Good morning, Senator Scott.

SENATOR TIM SCOTT

It’s a beautiful morning. By the way, I appreciate the Aunt Jemima pancakes and Famous Amos cookies your staff provided. I always support my Black brothers and sisters.

JERRY

No, you don’t. You were against Affirmative Action. It eliminated discrimination and disadvantages for minorities. Also voted to repeal the Affordable Care Act which has helped improve the health of millions of impoverished people in the minority community.

SCOTT

I support welfare.

JERRY

Huh?

SCOTT

Corporate welfare. We need to help the poor oil companies. They only made $332 billion dollars last year.

JERRY

You’re 58 years old. Never married. Not that I’m surprised.

SCOTT

What do you mean?

JERRY

You believe in abstinence until marriage. Women prefer sexually experienced men. Not to mention ones with good looks.

SCOTT

You saying I’m ugly?

JERRY

Timmy. You’re so ugly that when you sit on a sandy beach, cats try to bury you.

SCOTT

Only happened once…maybe twice.

JERRY

Started in politics at the age of 30 when you owned an Allstate insurance agency.

SCOTT

Yes, sir.

JERRY

Do you know why women in Afghanistan don’t need car insurance?

SCOTT

No.

JERRY

Because they are already covered.

SCOTT

Sounds right.

JERRY

You’re really a bad ass. Former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley appointed you to the Senate in 2013 to fill a vacancy. What did you do in gratitude? Endorsed Donald Trump for president in 2024.

SCOTT

I prefer Nikki Haley over Indian chicken curry if that’s any consolation.

JERRY

You’re an insane mother. Is it true when you were on the Charleston County Council in 1995, posted the Ten Commandments outside the council chambers?

SCOTT

Yeah, baby.

JERRY

That’s unconstitutional.

SCOTT

I don’t believe in the constitution. I’m part of the MAGA nation. Make Authoritarians Great Again!

JERRY

Well, the ACLU does and you were forced to remove the tablets. FYI, there are 11 commandments. Thou shall not COVID thy neighbor.

JERRY

I understand you want Trump to make you his running mate in the 2024 presidential race.

SCOTT

I do. Trump is the evil magician. He will make democracy disappear.

JERRY

Senator Tim Scott. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.