New Rule: NFL Referees to Decide Trump Appeals

This week, Democrats in Congress introduced legislation that would require all Appeals by Trump to be decided immediately by NFL referees in instant replay booth reviews of the case.

 

“Look, we all know Trump is stalling and trying to run out the clock with these ridiculous appeals, so we came up with a faster way to address them,” said one of the bill’s sponsors, Sen Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI).

 

Through this bill, any appeal by Trump to any of his 91 counts would be reviewed by a team of refs in a booth. Just like they do with penalties in football games, the refs would quickly review the arguments in the case using instant replay technology and either uphold it or overturn it on the spot. This would include any appeals that go all the way up to the Supreme Court.

 

“Let’s face it, most rulings are going to be upheld by any honest judge, because of course Trump did it,” said Whitehouse. “We all saw it with our own eyes and he’s pretty much already admitted to his crimes. So why on Earth are we dragging this out with long protracted appeals of cases we’ve already heard?”

 

Whitehouse acknowledged that refs do from time to time make mistakes, like missing a pass interference call or spotting the ball in the wrong place, but they are willing to admit their mistakes when confronted with indisputable video evidence — unlike the Supreme Court.

 

“I honestly think we should just do away with the Supreme Court and replace them with 9 refs — they are more honest and ethical,” said Whitehouse. “That will be my next bill.”