Comedian Larry David Interview - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews actor, comedy writer and comedian Larry David.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. My guest is actor, comedy writer and comedian Larry David.

LARRY DAVID

I made it on The Jerry Duncan Show. Pretty, pretty good.

JERRY

You’ve been around a long time. 76-years-old. Wrote or co-wrote every episode of Seinfeld for 7 years. Nominated for 30 Primetime Emmy Awards for Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yet, you’re insecure.

LARRY

Unfortunately, my wife left me because I am insecure. Oh wait, she’s back. I guess she just went to the grocery store. Jerry, I’ve been seeing a shrink since I found out Senator Bernie Sanders is my 6th cousin removed. I can’t sleep at night.

JERRY

Which reminds me. Bernie Sanders walks into a bar and yells, “Free drinks for everyone! Now who’s paying?”

LARRY

When did he say that?

JERRY

It’s a joke.

LARRY

(angry) Not to me! How dare you bring Bernie into the conversation.

JERRY

You started it. This 6th cousin removed bullshit.

LARRY

Don’t listen to me, my best friend is a goldfish.

JERRY

Seems you have a bad case of immaturity.

LARRY

Who are you, Freud? This is a lifetime of GROW THE F UP!

JERRY

Calm down. Here’s a sedative.

LARRY

Thank you. The last time I took one of those pills was in Hebrew School. And that was the first day.

JERRY

Before you got started in television, you were a limo driver, store clerk, and bra salesman.

LARRY

My mother told me if you want stability, be a postman. The postal service and comedians have something in common. It’s in the delivery.

JERRY

You sold bras?

LARRY

Women trusted me. I always told them, “If your cup is only half full, you probably need a different bra.”

JERRY

You got a big break writing for Saturday Night Live, then walked off the job because your material wasn’t being used.

LARRY

Don’t ask. Why do you think I’m bald?

JERRY

It gets better. After quitting, you showed up at work two days later like nothing happened.

LARRY

Why not? I had a written excuse from a psychiatrist. Trust me, people know I’m not lying when I say I’m crazy.

JERRY

Are you still friends with Jerry Seinfeld?

LARRY

Who?

JERRY

I’ve noticed that you’ve lost weight over the years. You’re too skinny.

LARRY

Yeah. My skinny jeans and cheap hotels are alike. No ball room.

JERRY

Be honest. Did you really pummel tickling Elmo in the face on the Today Show?

LARRY

Absolutely. The stupid puppet refused to tell me how to get to Sesame Street.

JERRY

Comedian Larry David everyone. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.