Doctor Offers 'EZ At Home Surgery Kits' - Ted Holland, Humor Times

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

World-famous surgeon says patients can save thousands in health costs using his new “EZ At Home Surgery Kits.”

SNN surgery correspondent Ambue Bagge reports that world famous surgeon to the stars, Dr. Petechial
Hemorrhage, has unveiled a collection of do-it-yourself surgery kits that will save ailing people hundreds of thousands in healthcare costs.

surgeon. 1753 — Now you can perform surgery just like in the old days! 1753 Painting by Gaspare Traversi, Public Domain.

Dr. Hemorrhage stated that a simple Angioplasty procedure at a hospital would cost you 20 thousand dollars, but with his “EZ At Home Surgery Kit,” it’s only three easy payments of $39.99.

He states that his EZ At Home Surgery Kits include the following simple procedures:

Tonsillectomy
Vasectomy
Hysterotomy
Angioplasty
Gall Bladder Removal
Appendicitis
Hemorrhoidectomy
Hernia Repair
Back Surgery
Hip Replacement
Knee Replacement
C-section
Tracheotomy

All of these for three easy payments of $39.99.

Dr. Hemorrhage says that he also has kits for more serious procedures like Face Lift, Triple Heart Bypass and Lobotomy. For those, prospective surgeon/patients must contact him for pricing.

Dr. Hemorrhage is the personal physician to such well-known movie stars as Daffy Duck, King Kong, Alvin and The Chipmunks, and GI Joe.

Super Breaking News

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Breaking News

Fulton County DA Fani Willis Unveils New “Odor of Mendacity” Line of Hair and Skin Products for Men

SNN Words to Live By

“Love is a difficult thing to handle.” — Flint McCullough (Robert Horton), Wagon Train, 1950’s TV series.

“Life’s a trip… make the most of it.” — Best Western TV ad.

“Any man who does not want money is a dangerous man.” — Mr. Ballentine (Malachi Throne), Kojak, 1970’s TV series.

The Question of the Week

What does the odor of mendacity smell like? (Give your answer in the Comments section below!)

Author’s pick: chitlins and persimmons.

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Ted Holland

Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.