A book review by Conservative Capitol Correspondent Llib Epot
Book review: “The Deification of Donald Trump.”
Many books have been written about Donald Trump, and most have been unflattering. Volumes have arisen from his venomous niece, Mary Trump; Washington Post assassins Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker; and even a totally fictional account of the ex-president’s “affair” — a viperous volume by shamefaced strumpet Stormy Daniels.
The book I am reviewing today, however, is different, in that it advances a fact-based account of 45’s most productive years. This eye-opening book is “The Deification of Donald Trump.” It was written by Donald J. Trump himself, and should be on every American’s reading list.
The Deification of Donald Trump begins, appropriately, at the beginning: Trump’s inauguration. Rather than use a traditional Bible for the swearing-in ceremony, Trump proffered his family Bible — “of which my family has many” — which happened to be a Trump-endorsed “God Bless the U.S.A.” Bible. Records show that Trump billed the US government $59.99, plus tax.
During his inaugural address, Trump presciently warned the nation of an American “carnage,” and foresaw the infestation of the United States by venal, diseased and subversive caravans of “vermin” from Mexico and “other shithole countries.” Trump swore to “put America first,” a winning phrase which was met by adulation of the more than 1.3 million people in attendance, which far outstripped the meager attendance at the inauguration of non-citizen Barack Obama.
Unfortunately, the occasion was marred the next day by the so-called Women’s March in Washington D.C. and other cities. “This was disgraceful,” writes Trump. “These skanky women should be at home, having babies and doing without healthcare.”
Less than a week after taking office, Trump issued a prudent travel ban against seven “raghead” countries whose principles, Trump said, are inimical to the United States. “The bleeding hearts,” writes Trump, “bled out.” And the next day, the president hired Steve Bannon as a member of the National Security Council, a brilliant move made in the spirit of liberty. He also nominated to the Supreme Court Neil Gorsuch, who was widely considered a dependable vote against women’s healthcare.
Trump fought diligently against America’s sworn enemies, including Jeff Sessions, rogue FBI Director James Comey, and Hillary Clinton, whom Trump promised to imprison. Trump writes of his fortuitous meeting with Sarah Palin, Kid Rock and rock legend Ted Nugest, whom Trump says sang him a love song.
In May 2017, Trump recounts, he posed for a photo with the king of Saudi Arabia and the president of Egypt, which depicted Trump touching a glowing orb. According to Trump, from this moment on, his complexion took on a rich orange hue. To his credit, Trump tweeted in June that “Morning Joe” cohost Mika Brezinski was “Low IQ” and “whorish,” a sentiment shared by MSNBC insiders. Later, Trump complimented French First Lady Brigitte Macron, telling her she was “a nice piece of ass.” Mrs. Macron, he said, received the compliment warmly.
Trump writes proudly that his administration, in contrast to the “Negro-ridden” Obama administration, hired “only the best people.” He said that Steve Bannon, Jeff Sessions, Michael Flynn and others “just got on the wrong side of history.”
Trump proceeds apace, recounting the highlights of his years as president. He admitted he had a “bromance” with N. Korea’s Kim Jong Un, who evolved from “Little Rocket Man” to a Trump wet dream. Trump was constantly acting as cheerleader for the disaffected. At a Houston shelter housing those displaced by a hurricane, he told the refugees to “Have a good time,” and tossed needed rolls of paper towels to the crowd. Trump illustrated his call for patriotism and decorum by denouncing NFL players who took a knee during the National Anthem, saying that they should lose their jobs. He rightly called one sonofabitch “a sonofabitch.”
On December 27, Trump recalls, he “Made a lot of rich guys richer,” when he gleefully signed into law a $1.5 trillion tax cut, principally for the wealthy. In response to the massive March for Our Lives, a dubious stunt in which so-called survivors of the Parkland shooting organized demonstrations, Trump wrote on Twitter that “I am an unapologetic supporter of the Second Amendment,” and promised to have the Capitol Police shoot anyone who got out of hand.
In June of 2018, Trump endorsed and actively implemented an effective child separation policy for illegals apprehended at the border. “They’re vermin,” writes Trump. “That’s what they get.” A short time later, Trump’s nominee to the Supreme Court, Brett Kavanaugh, was approved by the Senate by a narrow margin. Accused by several women of sexual misconduct, the jurist was characterized by the president as “A man after my own heart.”
On July 25, 2019, Trump made what he called his “only mistake as president.” He made a call to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to request an investigation of a political rival. “What I should’ve done,” writes Trump, “is shipped missiles straight to Russia. Putin had my back.” Later that same month, Trump announced the creation of the Space Force, a much-needed adjunct to the Department of Defense. Trump told reporters that members of the Space Force would be known as “Space Cadets.”
Trump writes peevishly of his two impeachments, characterizing Republicans who voted for conviction as “cock—–s” and as “disloyal.” The president was acquitted on all spurious charges. Trump addresses the coronavirus epidemic only briefly, suggesting that the “Kung Flu,” which originated in caravans of migrants, was “fully and completely cured by me.” He writes that he stands by his decision not to wear a mask, even after he contracted the disease and was in a closed vehicle with Secret Service agents. “They knew what they were signing up for,” he maintains.
About the George Floyd murder and the consequent demonstrations, Trump writes that “Floyd was a nigra illegally selling cigarettes. He deserved to die. And when BLM began rioting,” he reiterated his mantra: “When the looting starts, the shooting starts!” Trump writes that shoplifters should, at minimum, “be shot in the leg, preferably with a large caliber weapon. Did I mention that I’m an unapologetic supporter of the Second Amendment?”
In mid-July, 2020, Trump recounts, he questioned mail-in voting. “I lost the election,” he points out, “so obviously it was a bad idea.” In August, Trump signed an executive order banning the popular social platform, Tik Tok. Trump writes that a $300 million cash infusion to his own media platform, Truth Social, from a major investor in Tik Tok, had no bearing on his later endorsement of the platform. By September Trump had nominated his third justice to the Supreme Court, judge Amy Coney Barett. “I don’t know much about this chick,” writes Trump, “other than she’s conservative and she gives good head.”
“January 3rd, 2021,” writes Trump, “was a dark day for our country.” Although Trump received more than 90 million votes, his opponent’s votes were “counted several times,” and “suitcases of Biden votes were lugged into polling places and there counted as many as seven times each.” In response to the obvious election fraud, Trump phoned up the Georgia Secretary of States and asked if perhaps some Trump votes had been misplaced or overlooked. The Secretary of State, a blatant RINO, lied to the press and produced a fraudulent tape in which the president allegedly tries to overturn the vote in that state.
“January 6, 2021,” writes Trump, “was a second day of independence” and promises that if he is elected — for the third time — he will declare it a national holiday at the same level as July Fourth. The book ends with the Trump family flying off to Mar-a-Largo, where they all enjoyed Big Macs and Diet Cokes and were cagily plotting revenge.
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