Kristi Noem, Jerry Duncan Interview - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Governor of South Dakota Kristi Noem.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Not really. Today on the show my guest is the Governor of South Dakota Kristi Noem.

JERRY

Hello Kristi.

KRISTI NOEM

I love your show.

JERRY

Really?

KRISTI

No. I hate it. I’m only here because I want everyone to know I’m interested in being Trump’s VP in 2024.

JERRY

The orange moron that’s a few screws short of a hardware store? Go shave your head, you idiot.

KRISTI

Good idea. I won’t have to worry about my hair on a windy day.

JERRY

You’re 53 years old. The first female governor in South Dakota. Yet, you’re against the rights women care about in your state.

KRISTI

Like what?

JERRY

Abortion.

KRISTI

Liberals won’t de-fetus.

JERRY

Air pollution.

KRISTI

Get rid of migrants at the Mexican border.

JERRY

The Affordable Care Act.

KRISTI

Single prayer health care plan.

JERRY

January 6, 2021.

KRISTI

A friendly bunch of Trumpsters touring the Capitol building.

JERRY

Let me ask you. What is the difference between South Dakota and yogurt?

KRISTI

I don’t know.

JERRY

Yogurt has an active culture.

KRISTI

That’s what Trump said, so it must be true.

JERRY

In 2006, you were elected to the South Dakota House of Representatives. In 2011, you were elected to the U.S. House of Representatives. Then in 2019, you became governor.

JERRY

What is your greatest accomplishment as governor?

KRISTI

During the COVID-19 pandemic, I refused to issue a statewide mandate to wear face masks.

JERRY

You’re brilliant. This way anti-vaxxers will never get old just like their unvaccinated kids. Saves the state money.

KRISTI

Duncan. Something terrible happened to the governor’s mansion last month.

JERRY

What?

KRISTI

It burned down. Almost took out the whole trailer park.

JERRY

Was anyone hurt?

KRISTI

Just a Chinese woman working in her restaurant named Mel Ting. It was caught on a cell phone by her husband Phil Ming. I sure miss my fortune cookies.

JERRY

I understand the most popular pick-up line in South Dakota is ‘nice tooth’.

KRISTI

Which is why I promoted a cosmetic dental office in Texas through a video on Facebook, Instagram, X, and Truth Social.

JERRY

And got caught, you huckster.

KRISTI

I was trying to fix the teeth of rubes in our state. Oh well, I’ll stick to selling gold plated buffalo dung and the Trump bible.

JERRY

South Dakota sucks. Governor Kristi Noem everyone.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.