Dairy Farmer Interview: Jerry Duncan - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews a dairy farmer from North Dakota.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today I’m live from a dairy farm outside of Minot, North Dakota. My guest is dairy farmer Travis MacDonald.

dairy farmer — Old MacDonald’s dairy farm. Photo: Zach Korb, flickr.com, CC BY-NC 2.0.

TRAVIS MACDONALD

Welcome to North Dakota, Jerry. As you know, I’m the southern neighbor from where you live in Alaska.

JERRY

Yep. Go straight south until you smell shit. Then left until you step in it.

TRAVIS

That’s North Dakota by golly.

JERRY

Travis. I met some pretty stupid people on my way here. Is anybody educated?

TRAVIS

I am. When I was a little boy, my father gave me a math problem I’ll never forget. If I have 4 beer bottles in one hand and 3 beer bottles in the other hand, what do I have?

JERRY

A drinking problem.

TRAVIS

Dang. All these years I thought the answer was 5. Thanks for correctin me.

JERRY

You’re a dairy farmer. You have cows to sell milk.

TRAVIS

You betcha.

JERRY

Any other animals?

TRAVIS

A pig named Marjorie Taylor Greene. May I sing a little tune dedicated to her?

JERRY

Go ahead.

TRAVIS

(sings a made up verse from Old MacDonald Had a Farm)

Old MacDonald had a farm, Ee i ee i oh!
And on that farm he had a pig, Marjorie Taylor Greene.
With a MAGA MAGA here, and a MAGA MAGA there,
Here a MAGA, there a MAGA, everywhere a MAGA MAGA,
Old MacDonald had a farm.
Ee i ee i oh!

JERRY

Splendid. You’re the next Weird Al Yankovic.

TRAVIS

Thank ya. I also raise crops. Have acres of corn and potatoes. Rotate them every year.

JERRY

Good for the soil. And here I pegged you for an ignoramus.

TRAVIS

Jerry. You’re a smart man.

JERRY

Damn right.

TRAVIS

Okay then. If one of my cows laughed really hard, would milk come out of her nose?

JERRY

Udder nonsense.

TRAVIS

That’s what the wife said.

JERY

Wow. A married man. How did you two rubes meet?

TRAVIS

We was on a hayride. I felt sorry for her, because she was just diagnosed with diabetes. You know what I done to win her over?

JERRY

Can’t imagine.

TRAVIS

I brung her a box of chocolates. After she was rushed to emergency, we started dating.

JERRY

It’s past your earth time. Travis MacDonald everyone.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.