Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews President of Russia Vladimir Putin and Chinese Party General Secretary Xi Jinping.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. We’re live from Disneyland in Shanghai, China. My guests are President of Russia Vladimir Putin and Chinese Party General Secretary Xi Jinping, or is it Xi Jin…pong?
GENERAL SECRETARY XI JINPING
No. It pronounced ping.
VLADIMIR PUTIN
Da, da.
JERRY DUNCAN
(sings) Da, da, black sheep. Have you any wool?
PUTIN
Don’t piss off. I kill you for shit and giggle.
XI
Putin and I good friend. We here to arrest Mickey and Minnie Mouse.
JERRY
On what charges?
XI
They too happy. Not normal in China.
PUTIN
Or Russia. KGB report say Mickey want to divorce Minnie because she having Goofy sex.
XI
It true. Minnie have affair with my cousin Well Hung before he marry Wun Dum Ho.
JERRY
Then don’t blame Mickey.
XI
I blame. He take over and brainwash our two countries by bringing back 50’s Mickey Mouse merchandise.
PUTIN
Not on my watch!
JERRY
You two were rivalries for years. Why are you close?
PUTIN
After I try to liberate Ukraine, western countries impose sanctions. I innocent. That what China and Iran say.
JERRY
Do you know what the national bird of Iran is?
PUTIN
Nyet.
JERRY
An American drone.
XI
We help Russia with technology. They give us oil.
PUTIN
And now we have Chinese restaurant with fortune cookie. One was very bad. I get food poisoning eatng chop suey. I open fortune cookie. It say, “Next time order shrimp.”
XI
I once got bad fortune cookie. Mine say, “There are now 23 nicknames going around for you. None of them are flattering.” I get mad and burn down restaurant.
JERRY
What is your relationship like with the United States?
XI
When we not spying, it pretty good. President Biden and I share something in common, we play Chinese checker.
PUTIN
Real men play chess. Had dinner with chess master. It take him 1 hour to pass the salt. I got mad and poison man. I now the chess master.
JERRY
It’s time to wrap up the show. Any last words?
XI
Just review flag of China. I give it 5 star.
PUTIN
Good news. Use to light Russian houses with electricity. Now we have candle.
JERRY
Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping everyone. See you tomorrow.
XI
(laughs) Maybe.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
