Donald Trump: Another Mother Teresa? - Eric Green, Humor Times

As transcribed directly from the mouth of Donald J. Trump

Wherein Donald Trump claims to have become a great humanitarian (“the greatest!”) like Mother Teresa.

It might sound hard to believe, coming from me, but I, Donald J. Trump, now understand the errors of my ways. All these years being so self-absorbed and caring only about my own welfare and nobody else’s are finally and thankfully over.

Probably to your amazement and mine as well, I’ve become a humanitarian, understanding that self-sacrifice and believing in a cause larger than yourself is how we should all live our lives.

What caused this remarkable transformation? What made me understand, like Mother Teresa said, we should “spread love everywhere you go,” and that “if you judge people, you have no time to love them”?

Before I explain what turned the old Donald Trump into the new Donald Trump, I should tell you about this exciting giving attitude I now have about life where no more will I go around saying Hillary Clinton is crooked, no more calling Joe Biden a criminal and his son Hunter a crackhead and that they should all be put in jail, if not executed.

As Jesus said in Leviticus 19:18 in the Bible, which I now religiously read with devotion every morning and at night, instead of being addicted to watching Fox News and Newsmax all the time, we should love our neighbors like blessed Hillary and Joe as ourselves.

The reborn Donald J. Trump came about after I was convicted in that New York trial and Judge Merchan sentenced me to 60 days working in a soup kitchen. He said I needed to show redemption, that I was too full of myself and that I should be exposed to people less fortunate than me.

Yes, I admit I was at first angry at the judge for how he treated me at the trial. But I realize now I was being too hard on him. It was nothing personal. I get it. He actually did me a big favor. I owe him one.

I now realize that his ordering me to work in a soup kitchen, ladling out chicken broth soup, and distributing casserole dishes such as stews, tuna noodle casserole, and macaroni and cheese is the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you, Judge Merchan, from the bottom of my heart.

I’ll tell you when this dramatic change in me actually started. It was my second day working at the soup kitchen when I met Jose, an undocumented immigrant from El Salvador, who I at first regarded as someone who should be thrown out of the country.

I didn’t realize until I heard Jose’s terrible ordeal up close and personal that I understood why he kept trying to swim across the Rio Grande, after being beaten to a pulp by those evil smugglers. It broke my heart hearing his story on why he attempted at least five times to make it over the border and almost wanting to give up before he finally did succeed in getting into the USA. All I can say is we’re glad to have Jose here in our country.

Before he was laid off from his construction job in New York, Jose, not thinking of his own personal welfare, was supporting his wife and seven children back home in El Salvador, sending all his hard-earned money so they could have something to eat. Jose didn’t ask for charity or favors, just for a chance to help his family survive. Hearing about his hard life really got to me, I have to say. If I think I had problems, Jose’s was 10 times worse than mine.

“Senor Trump,” he said to me in his broken Spanglish, “I know you have it bad. Treated so horrible. Lo siento, senor. I sorry.”

First off, I appreciate Jose trying to talk to me in English, when I know it wasn’t his native language. It made me decide to take a class in Spanish, because I think now everybody should respect foreign cultures. Jose, like everybody else, who arrives on our shores, should be treated with dignity and empathy. As Genesis 4.1-9 reveals, we are all our brother’s keepers.

Here this poor decent man, Jose. even with all the hardships in his life, saying he felt sympathy for me. We prayed together asking for the strength to help us get through another day with a roof over our heads. It was a revelation asking for spiritual guidance. It made me feel renewed, cleansed of my prior sins.

Sure, of course, I know you find it hard to believe everything I just said here. I can hear you quoting P. T. Barnum who cynically said, there’s a sucker born every minute. Go ahead and doubt me. That’s your problem. I got better things to do, such as handing out delicious grub in this wonderful heavenly soup kitchen.

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Eric Green

Eric Green has Donald Trump to thank for a number of his satirical articles. As long as The Donald is around, Eric will continue to have new material to write about him. Eric finds writing satire a welcome escape from the realities of life. When he’s not trying to be satirical, Eric has been a former newspaper reporter, ex-press aide to a U.S. Senator on Capitol Hill, and ex-writer in the federal government. He's also the author of three mostly humorous books, the one he's most proud of is called Temporary Insanity, Costa Rica, My Way. For fun, he practices playing Beatles songs on the piano.You can find more about him on LinkedIn.