A transcript of the Nelson Report to the Gaul World Congress, delivered September 27, 2032 by Congress Delegate Wriley Nelson.
It has been twenty-one centuries since Roman armies brutally dispossessed our ancestors of their homeland and cast them to the winds. Our people have suffered greatly in the diaspora, but no more. Every other people has its own state. We must be no different. As a proud Irish-American, and in the name of all Celtic people worldwide, I call for the reoccupation of Gaul.
Our gods, the gods of the Druids, promised us all the lands between the Atlantic and the Alps. Although I am not a practicing follower of druidic ritual, I cannot deny the validity of this three thousand-year national charter; to do so would be to deny druidism itself. Even some of our own people agree with the Accursed Caesar that we have no right to Gaul. I spit upon such self-erasing Celts. Such genocidal language cannot be borne.
The world’s Celt-haters and Celt-traitors hide their seething prejudice behind a defense of the so-called “French” interlopers on the Celtic lands. The ancestors of these Frankish squatters were Germanic-speaking tribes who moved into the area in the early medieval period. Even by their own wildly biased histories, the Franks admit that we were here first.
Our terrorist enemies and their brainwashed young acolytes abroad say that they were “here in the meantime.” Bah! Perhaps they should open a book and learn what these Franks were like when they arrived. This was a brutal people ruled by vicious, patriarchal, theocratic warlords who spread their religion by the sword. Their descendants seem to revel in this horrific past, worshiping the bloodthirsty god Dieu and revering fundamentalist mass-murderers like Charlemagne and Joan D’Arc. Their heroes are illiterate gangsters and cross-dressing fanatics. Occidental degeneracy knows no bounds.
Frankish terrorists claim they want to build a “French democracy” over our graves. Have they seen the kinds of rulers this backward land threw up when its naïve occupants were trusted prematurely with the sacred responsibility of self-government? Thus far, every attempt has ended with a patriarchal strongman that reminds them of their bent-kneed authoritarian past. Utter strangers to civilized concepts of democracy, they take to the streets with blood and fire at the slightest hint that their rulers might make them get jobs. This is, of course, the nail in the coffin of any “French” claim to Celtic land: their famed love of drink and aversion to working the sacred soil. Our beautiful Gaul groans under the occupation of these squatters. How much longer can it go on?
Today, we face an unprecedented opportunity to take back what is rightfully ours. Friends, I bring to you a letter from the BRICS General Presidium, offering their support for a Celtic state. Who better to keep an eye on the squabbling and shifty European peoples than us, who they have spit upon for centuries?
Beijing’s half-hearted support comes with the absurd Celt-hating demand that we “compromise” with the Frankish interlopers. They offered us less than three-quarters of modern “France,” to say nothing of the true Celtic Lands of old. They have had the gall to give the Franks nearly half of Holy Lutecia under the ridiculous Germano-Latin name of “Paris,” and to forbid us from demolishing the gothic monstrosity of Notre Dame to restore the world-tree that once stood on that sacred island. Beijing even rejected our proposed zones of resettlement across the Rhine and Rhone, whence Franks and Latins came and where, if anywhere, they belong. The brutal regimes of those lands claim to care about the “refugees,” yet do not seem eager to absorb these Germano-Latin squatters despite all their shared ties of European heritage, language, and religion. Such bad-faith arguments are merely another cover for the genocidal hatred of Celts that these lands have harbored since the days of Accursed Caesar.
Must we submit to the bloody dismemberment of our homeland? Never! Our righteous defenders in the field are turning the tide against Frankish terror. Our humanitarian volunteers, risking their lives to help the women and children left to die by terrorist menfolk, are building camps in which to humanely concentrate the few Frankish civilians who turn down repatriation to their homelands.
However, all is not rosy. The military focus of our economy, forced upon us by mindless hate on all sides, leaves us dependent on Chinese aid. Worse, constant warfare distracts our young people from the sacred task of making Celtic children. Immigration must cover the shortfall. A new program kills two birds with one stone, offering a dating app to match Gaulists with strong Celts from abroad. It is a start, but not nearly enough to defend the land from the Sons of Caesar on all sides.
It is no secret that the majority of the world’s Celts live in Britain and the U.S. Many have so little respect for their heritage that they consider themselves citizens of those states rather than exiled sons of Gaul. Even the so-called Celts of Brittany, who suffered in caves and crawlspaces for centuries of Frankish dominion, wish to collaborate with their oppressors. Racially and linguistically “French,” they will require extensive tutelage before we can re-admit them to our fellowship. In the meantime, stringent measures must be taken to get a handle on their excessive birth rate.
Some Anglophone Celts will meekly follow us to their new farms and factories once we have liberated them. Perhaps our citizens could pitch in a few dollars to offer American exiles tours of the free land that could be theirs. Closer to home, a few mild provocations against perfidious Albion should induce them to expel our long-suffering countrymen. At a stroke, we could gather home most of our people and claim the moral high ground for all time. Neither Scotland nor Wales nor any other land can be safe for Celts without a strong Gaul to protect them.
I say we accept Beijing’s insulting proposal as a practical first step. We shall call for every true-hearted Celt to help this benighted wasteland bloom. And when we are there, who can move us? Who can stand against our righteous cause, our strong sons and daughters, the rules-based international order, and the begrudging assistance of the cheap bastards in Beijing? It takes only nine months of pregnancy to turn a settler into a civilian, and it is execrable to kill a man for the land his father retook. Whatever the world may call us, none can call our children anything but “indigenous.” Let us fly our flag over whatever scrap of our land is “given” us and our people worldwide will rally to it. There are a thousand thousand empty farms and vineyards waiting for them.
- The Celtic State: A Proposal for the Reoccupation of Gaul - June 22, 2024
