Trump to Stage Christ-Like Resurrection

News leaked of a Trump “resurrection” scam on unsuspecting Christians to raise money.

Mar-a-Lago, FL – News broke late Thursday that Donald Trump and his merry band of mischief makers stopped just shy of executing a new “resurrection” scam on countless unsuspecting Christians, bilking them out of millions.

Sometime in the middle of May, Steve (aka Big House Stevie) Bannon approached Trump with a way to get more votes from the countless religious sheep looking for a Savior.

Since some Christian leaders have likened Trump to Jesus Christ on numerous occasions, Bannon didn’t think it would be much of a stretch to have the boss fake his own death and miraculously be resurrected three days later. When this idea was proposed to Trump, he asked “can I have a harem? Didn’t Jesus have a harem? He should have because like me, he was a very handsome man, with beautiful white skin and a long beard… I tried to grow hair once…” to which Bannon replied, “we’ve got our guy.”

Unfortunately, or extremely fortunately, the plot to have Trump fake his own death fell apart when, due to reasons articulated to Stephen Miller by Vladimir Putin, and misunderstood by Big House Stevie, and told to Carlson Tucker, who has never been able to keep his damn mouth shut, there was a very real possibility that an actual assassination could maybe, might possibly occur via a Spy vs. Spy reversal occurrence. So, without consulting their Christ-like figure, they simply decided it was much more fortuitous to save their “Wag the Dog” moment if or when needed after the election. Besides, there had been some quarrelling about whether to use real actors or AI and Trump would never go for a double playing him.

However, since nothing in Trump world ever really goes according to plan even if the plans are scrapped, it took the former DIC mere minutes before he was on Fox News telling the world “I thought it would be great to die and then not be dead until I said to myself, ‘me, do you realize that you will have to pay your own death taxes?’”

Then Trump added, “Hey, I’m gonna ask for some more money just for letting everyone know to vote for me as I was willing to die for them. I’ll bet no one thought of that before me, huh?”

Author
Recent Posts

P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once-brilliant nation. If you like her posts, become a follower and leave a comment. And don't forget to share on Facebook, Twitter and other social accounts! Syndicated from her I Said Laugh, Dammit blog.