Trumpsters Mad Dog and Wheezer - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk show host interviews Trumpsters Mad Dog and Wheezer live from a Trump rally.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Not really. I’m live from a Trump rally in Montgomery, Alabama. My guests are a couple of Trumpsters who agreed to be interviewed, Mad Dog and Wheezer.

trump rally Mad Dog and Wheezer — Photo: Victoria Pickering, flickr.com, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

JERRY

Hello, big fella. What’s your name?

MAD DOG MASON

Call me Mad Dog.

JERRY

Are you a wrestler?

MAD DOG

No. I write racist jokes for Trump’s rallies. Rubes love’em.

JERRY

Like what?

MAD DOG

Why do Mexicans have small steering wheels?

JERRY

I don’t know.

MAD DOG

So they can drive them with handcuffs on. Actually, I wrote the joke with my cousin Cliff when we wuz havin dinner at Taco Bell.

JERRY

(sarcastic) Wonderful.

MAD DOG

Thunk of one this mornin. Would you like to hear it?

JERRY

Sure. Let your stupidity be a shining light for Republicans.

MAD DOG

How do you distinguish Robert F. Kennedy, Jr from a mental case?

JERRY

No clue.

MAD DOG

You don’t.

JERRY

Who’s your buddy next to you?

WHEEZER COLLINS

Wheezer Collins. Everyone just calls me Wheezy.

JERRY

Are you also a volunteer for Trump?

WHEEZER

Yessir! My job is to keep the orange man away from mirrors.

JERRY

Why?

WHEEZER

Because if Trump ever sees himself, he’ll die of laughter.

JERRY

You two forget how bad Trump was for the country when he was president. He is still trying to take away your social security. You guys could go broke.

WHEEZER

I ain’t worried. My bank account is a constant reminder that I am safe from identity theft.

MAD DOG

If someone steals my identity, I hope they pay off my debt.

WHEEZER

You’re a genius, Mad Dog. No wonder you made it through elementary school.

JERRY

Listen up. Do you know the difference between Donald Trump and a sewage plant?

WHEEZER

No clue.

MAD DOG

I know. Sewage don’t smell.

JERRY

Wrong. They’re both full of shit.

JERRY

Mad Dog and Wheezer everyone. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.