Trump points out more fine historical figures presently doing a great job, but not as great as him, of course.
Among Donald Trump’s most brilliant comments was when he said a while back that Black abolitionist leader Frederick Douglass “is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more.
We can only guess that Trump, in using the present tense to talk about the recognition for Douglass, might have thought the former slave who became an American icon was still alive even if he actually died in 1895.
It makes one wonder whether Trump could care less whether Douglass is alive or dead. In his way of thinking, just saying something nice about Douglass, even if it’s phony, can win him more Black votes in his run for President.
What other dearly departed notables in history Trump might think are still alive and that can win him votes if he offers them a modicum of praise, even as he aggrandizes himself?
How about Martin Luther King? Here’s Trump on the civil rights leader: “It’s amazing the work the man’s doing. That statue they put up for him in D.C.? You know you’re a big deal when they put up a statue of you. Just like when I get reelected president, they’ll put up a statue to me in front of the White House for all I’m doing to Make America Great Again.”
What about Abraham Lincoln? This is Trump on the Great Emancipator: “Man’s doing a nice job on that Civil War. But his look? Bad for his Q score. Poll ratings will go in the tank he keeps dressing so shabby like that. Forget about it. He should shave off that stupid beard. Makes him look like a crackhead. Okay? You know he’s called Honest Abe. Just like what my people say about me. I’m the most truthful person they ever met. No lie.”
Gandhi. “The Mahatma or whatever the hell his name is. Okay, the dude looks strange. But he has some chops. I’ll grant you that. Still, that ridiculous loincloth and shawl or whatever it is he wears? And those sandals? Makes him look like a total loser. A bum. Like he’s some left-over hippie from San Francisco or wherever. Come on, get some better threads. Okay? Like what I wear. My suit and tie don’t come cheap. Because I’m famous, I get a special deal on clothes at the Men’s Warehouse. Mahatma, take my advice–you gotta dress for success.”
Mother Teresa: “She gets a lot of credit for working in some god-forsaken hellhole. I won’t argue about it. But again, with the wardrobe. A total babe like my wife Melania, now that’s the look you want. You know Melenia married me cuz I’m a sharp dresser. She says to me, ‘Donald, you the best. I never meet such a handsome stud like you. Make me rich and happy. Marry me.’ So I did. I’ll have Melania take Mother T shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue. Girls’ Day Out. Pick out a nice little outfit for her. Okay?”
Perry Mason: “I like his style. Knows what it takes to be a great criminal defense attorney. Looks really good on television. Always gets his clients off. I could use him on my team against Dead Man Walking Joe Biden conniving with the crooked DOJ to try to put me in jail. What do you say, Perry? Join my defense team?”
Napolean Bonaparte, “Not a bad military leader except the man’s kind of stupid for invading Russia. By the way, did you know I taught Putin a few things about how to be a dictator? Putin says to me, ‘Donald, mazel tov, great job you’re doing. Keep it up.’”
George Washington: “Father of Our Country? You can call him that. I call him overrated. Not that great a General or President. And those wooden teeth? Come on. Don’t you know any good dentists? Q rating in the dumpster. I’m also not that impressed with that place of his he calls Mt. Vernon. They call it a mansion. George, come on down sometime to Mar-a-Lago. That’s a real mansion. We’ll play golf. Did you know I’ve won several golf championships? I’ve got a real great 2 handicap. What’s yours? Speaking of golf…”
“Arnold Palmer, Ben Hogan, Bobby Jones, Donald Trump: Now that’s a fantastic foursome. Those guys are all pretty decent golfers, but not as good as me. We’ll play a tournament. They can pick the time and place. Doesn’t matter. I’ll beat them all. Easily.”
Moses: “Those 10 Commandments he’s come up with. Not bad, although it was kinda my idea. I said to Moses. ‘Climb up that mountain. See what happens.’ So he comes down with them. I especially like the ones that say don’t take God’s name in vain, thou shall not commit adultery. Right on. Goddammit, Crooked Hillary Clinton and Dead Man Walking Joe Biden should read those commandments some time. When I’m back in the White House, we’ll have those 10 Commandments hanging in every schoolhouse in America. Okay?”
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