[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Pushes Hard for Radical Changes to Medicare

Trump is pushing hard for radical changes to Medicare as part of his Project 2025, which he “knows nothing about.”

Trump is pushing hard for radical changes to Medicare. In excess of 65 million Americans are currently enrolled in Medicare, representing more than 25% of all citizens. Of those receiving Medicare, about half are enrolled in original Medicare, and the rest in a so-called Medicare Advantage program. Original Medicare is run by the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS).

trump sneakers: Changes to Medicare
Look for the best deals wherever you see Trump High Top Sneakers hanging from a wire. Image (adapted): FolsomNatural, flickr.com, CC BY 2.0.

During former President Donald J. Trump’s first term, he pushed hard for eligible recipients to use Medicare Advantage. Among the plan’s most auspicious elements, said Trump at a campaign rally in the private dining room at the Supreme Court building, is the plan’s inclusion of therapeutic devices and medicines, including Trump Never Surrender High Top Sneakers, Victory47 Cologne and Trump extra-long red silk neckties. “They can be used as a tourniquet in an emergency,” he boasted, wrapping it around his forearm. “All my Secret Service agents use them, just in case I get shot by the Dems.”

Medicare Advantage Plans are provided by for-profit private insurance companies, and enrollment in the plans costs the government more than 20% more than enrollment in original Medicare, while at the same time reducing services to those enrolled.

It recently came to light that Donald Trump owns a proprietary interest in Scruthefolk, LLC, a corporation handling the affairs of more than 400 of these participating private insurance companies. Trump said that this was but a coincidence and that he had put his affairs in a “blind trust” and that the company is presently run by his middle son Eric Trump, who is blind.

Additionally, Project 2025, the much publicized blueprint for a second Trump presidency, advocates for radical changes to Medicare, including massive Medicare Advantage enrollment, particularly among Blacks, poor whites and migrants, the latter of which, according to Project 2025, “are all feeding at the government trough anyway.”

Said Trump, when asked about Project 2025, “I don’t know nothin’ about it; I never heard of it. Someone else is behind it.” Then, affecting a Sergeant Schulz German accent, said, “I know noth-think! I know noth-think!” The presence on the Project 2025 committee of more than two dozen past and future close Trump aides may belie this statement.

But, Trump maintains he is unfamiliar with these supposed architects of presidential policy. Among the personnel writing Project 2025 policy are Melania Trump, Donald Trump Jr., John Eastman, Roger Stone, Peter Navarro, Jared Kushner, and Marco Rubio. “I don’t know none of these people; I never met ’em!” When a candid video of a meeting of the Project 2025 committee, showing these same policy makers in attendance, was aired on MSNBC, Trump asked, truculently, “Who you gonna believe, me or your lyin’ eyes?”

Trump claims he’s a “Victim of circumstance” and that “The Dems are crucifying me for trying to get the costs of government down.” He rolled up his sleeves to reveal his stigmata. He complained that Project 2025’s climate change policy has also been confuted with Trump’s stand on Medicare Advantage. “When I said, ‘Drill, baby, drill,’ I wasn’t talking about environmental policy,” declared Trump. “I was talking about the optional dental insurance available with the plan!”

Bill Tope
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