Superpowers for Superheroes

Here are the superpowers that I would most like to have.

Growing up I dreamed of becoming a superhero and thought a lot about which superpowers would be the most awesome to possess. Instead, I became an accountant which isn’t even close. Adding and subtracting numbers quickly would be of little value if Earth is invaded by Martians. But I still sometimes wonder what kind of a superhero I would like to be. Spiderman is not an option as I have arachnophobia (a fear of spiders).

superpowers: Henry Cavill as Superman in Man of Steel 2013
Having superpowers would be great. Henry Cavill as Superman in Man of Steel 2013.

According to the National Inquirer, Tom Cruise claims to have the power of enhanced smell which is not going to make him very popular. Who would want to go to an event he was attending? You’d be too worried about your bad breath or body odor. And God forbid you pass gas. You wouldn’t be able to blame the dog. Even from across the room he could out you.

Hunter Biden also claimed to have a special power. In his recent memoir he wrote that he had the ability to find crack cocaine in any town, anywhere.

Neither of these “superpowers” are very appealing to me. Guys, and some girls too, desire more he-man abilities.
I’ve done extensive research on which superpowers would be the most awesome to obtain. Some would be helpful in the case of an alien invasion while others would just be cool to have.

Here are the ones I would most like to have

My first choice would be the ability to fly. This is very common among superheroes. Those who can do this include Superman, Wonder Woman and the Flash. Just imagine, no plane tickets, no security lines, no flight delays and no sitting near crying babies. How wonderful.

My next pick would have to be the Death Touch, also known as Grim Reaping. This is the ability to instantly kill someone with a mere touch. Hellboy is endowed with this gift. It is a very powerful weapon which must be used judiciously. I would only use it on people who go through the express lane at the supermarket with more than ten items, on people who don’t pick up after their dogs, or on people who talk during a movie. Actually, I might use it more often than I originally thought.

I would also want the power to control weather (atmokinesis). This is the ability to harness many aspects of nature. It is considered a very strong weapon. Thor, Storm and Weather Wizard all have this capability which they can employ without the use of a sharpie. This could be handy when your in-laws invite you to go to the lake for the weekend or if your favorite baseball team was losing badly in an important game which a freak thunderstorm would nullify.

Of course, x-ray vision makes my list. Every teenage boy dreams of having x-ray vision which lets you see through layers of objects (like clothes). Men never outgrow this fantasy. Superman and Wonder Woman can do this. There is also a superhero named Watcher who has this power. He is supposed to be a good guy but frankly he sounds like a pervert. This ability would make people watching so much more fun for us deviants. It would also be handy if you decided to work for TSA.

Then there is reality warping which is the ability to change reality itself. Mister Mxyzptik, the imp from the fifth dimension, who is a Superman tormentor, has this, as does Donald Trump. Who wouldn’t want this power?

The final superpower that I would choose is perfect accuracy, which is basically the ability to be, well, really accurate. This skill is often associated with marksmen and archers. Those possessing this trait include Flash Gordon, Bullseye and Lady Bullseye. With this skill you could become a much sought after assassin or a superb accountant.

But unfortunately, I haven’t obtained any superpowers, and I probably never will. Instead, my only option at this point is to achieve human physical perfection. This has been gained by Batman and Robin and Captain America who are all superheroes without actually having any superpowers.

So, this is what I am trying to achieve but so far, I am failing badly.

JC Wade
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