On “Meet the Press,” Biden admits ordering an assassination attempt, and revealed more plans, saying “it’s all okay by the Supreme Court.”
Appearing on last Sunday’s Meet the Press public affairs program, President Joe Biden admitted that he orchestrated the assassination attempt on former President Donald J. Trump which happened in Pennsylvania on Saturday. The hit, which was carried out by a member of SEAL Team 6, was ultimately unsuccessful but, revealed the 46th president, “we’ve not given up yet.”
“No lie, man,” said Biden. “This is not hyperbole. My dad used to say, ‘Joey, if someone puts up an obstacle to your success, then just take it out.'”
Asked by host Kristin Welker if he thought such action was illegal, Biden whispered, “The Supreme Court says it’s okay.” He smiled. “The president,” Biden went on, “can do freakin’ anything! Alito said so! And,” added Biden, “if any Supreme Court justice changes their mind, I’ll just send the Secret Service or even the military to their place of residence and kick ass! It was their idea,” he said defensively.
Biden said he is “Well pleased” with the expanded executive powers accorded the presidency by recent Supreme Court rulings. “From now on,” he said, “The IRS will tax the wealthy at a rate of 50%; it’s time those scoundrels pay their fair share,” he said, warming to the topic.
Biden said he is immediately declaring internal combustion engines illegal and closing all filling stations, coal mines, refineries and natural gas sources. “We’re putting a windmill on the front lawn of the Koch Brothers estate,” he boasted.
Welker asked the president how he viewed the upcoming presidential race, noting that he trailed Trump in the polls. “Trump may defeat me at the ballot box,” observed Biden, “but that doesn’t mean I’ll give up the White House. Jan. 6 is an auspicious blueprint for retaining power, and I aim to use it,” he said, then mumbled something incoherent about Putin and Zelensky.
An aide rushed onstage and slapped Biden sharply across the cheek and Biden snapped out of it long enough to say, “And we’re taking a tip from Project 2025,” referencing the 900-page manifesto written by the conservative Heritage Foundation to govern a new Trump term. “We’re closing down Fox News and Truth Social and Breitbart.” Biden concluded, “We have to strike while the iron is hot! No joke!”
When asked what reaction he expected from MAGA world, Biden said, “There are a lot of SEAL teams in the Navy and a lot of guns in the armed forces in general.” And he grinned. “C’mon man, I’m the president!”
Update on the Donald: According to senior campaign aide Kellyanne Conway, ex-President Trump underwent ear transplant surgery Sunday morning, to repair the damage suffered in the foiled assassination attempt on Saturday. Conway said Trump received a replacement lobe from Bippie, a female orangutan at the Smithsonian’s National Zoo. Zoo Director Brandie Smith told Humor Times that the procedure “went off without a hitch” and that the president now enjoys 40% improved hearing in his right ear.
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