As reported by Llib Epot, Conservative Capitol Correspondent
“Kamala is just a backstreet black with an education,” claims Trump on the news of Biden stepping aside.
On Sunday, July 21, sitting President Joe Biden withdrew from the 2024 election cycle, endorsing Vice President Kamala D. Harris as his presumptive successor. Harris was unavailable for comment; and former President Donald J. Trump said it was because she was free-basing cocaine. “You can take the black girl out of the hood,” crowed Trump, reached in the men’s room at Mar-a-Lago, “but you can’t take the hood out of the black girl!”
Asked by the press about the news of Biden stepping aside from the electoral rematch, scheduled for Nov. 5, Trump snorted and said that “Biden didn’t have the stones to face me in November, but Kamala — he pronounced it “Cow-molla” — Harris does! As a matter of fact,” added the ex-president, “I’ve got documentary proof that, not only is Harris not an American citizen, she is not a woman at all!”
Trump zipped up his pants and pulled a medical document from his suit jacket and displayed it. “See that?” he asked, circling with a Sharpie a line on the document. “Just one X chromosome. Women are supposed to have two Xs. But Harris has just one X, plus one Y. That makes her a man,” he said conclusively. Asked if that really made a difference in the race for president, Trump’s face turned a colorful shade of burnt umber and he said, “Of course. Now she won’t get all those lesbian women’s separatist votes. She’s back to square one,” he declared.
Asked if he had any farewell words for the soon-to-be-departing president, Trump said, “Biden is the worst president by far in the history of our country,” but he said he thought that if Harris is the nominee, she would be easier to beat than Mr. Biden. He said that when she was AG n California, Harris had “all these LGBTQ initiatives and save the blacks and save the transgenders…” he shook his head sadly. “She could well lbe assassinated,” he observed brightly, “and I, as the new president, would be in a position to pardon the patriot who did it.” Trump added as an aside, “The AR-15 is a very efficient weapon.”
Trump was reminded that Biden is the first sitting president to decline to seek a second term since Lyndon Johnson in 1968. As a result, Johnson’s vice president, Hubert Humphry, ran an unsuccessful campaign for president. “That figures,” shouted Trump, his voice echoing eerily off the restroom walls. “Harris and Humphry have the same number of X chromosomes.” Richard Nixon defeated Humphry that year, and Trump seized on that as well. “Dick Nixon stuck it to the Dems,” Trump said. “I am the new Dick!”
Asked how he felt he stacked up in terms of ability, against Kamala Harris, who will turn 60 just weeks before the next election, Trump was confident. “I got 75 yards on Harris off the tee,” he said with a smirk. “I’m much richer than her, as well.” Harris received a degree from Howard University, a HBCU. Trump dismissed Howard as an “Affirmative Action Institution.”
“As a California AG,” stormed Trump, “Harris fought to saddle the honest, hard-working, absolutely essential fossil fuel companies with huge sanctions and fines. When I’m elected, I’ll make legal action against the fossil fuel industry illegal!”
“Kamala Harris will be another Sarah Palin,” predicted Trump. Palin was one-time presidential candidate John McCain’s choice as his running mate in 2012 and went down in a sound defeat. “You see,” said Trump, waxing philosophical, “politics and chicks: they just don’t mix. Like McCain,” he added, “Harris is a loser, a sucker.”
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