Lazy Americans Feel Left Out of Politics- Dave Henry, Humor Times

“We’re people too!” exclaim lazy Americans.

Politicians often talk about the need to create jobs or lower taxes for hardworking Americans, but what about Lazy Americans? Don’t they count?

A new political PAC called Lazy Americans get Zilch Yo, or LAZY, is saying, yes they do. Yes they do indeed.

“Lazy Americans are the backbone of this country, yet we get no respect, zilch,” said LAZY Executive Director Mark Moran. “There are far more lazy Americans than hardworking Americans and we intend to make our voices heard loud and clear.”

Moran explained that most Americans are lazy, doing the bare minimum at work, hiring others to cut their lawns, leaving work early after the lazy boss leaves, having other people watch their kids, and getting takeout instead of making dinner.

However, Lazy Americans are the engine that fuels the U.S. economy, Moran added, because they are too lazy to do anything themselves so they hire others to do it.

“But yet all you hear about are hardworking Americans,” said Moran. “First of all, it’s pure myth, because most Americans are lazy. Second of all, the few that are actually hardworking don’t spend money on useless stuff like we do. They do it themselves, the selfish bastards. Who, pray tell, does that help?

LAZY is simply asking politicians to recognize them and their contributions to society.

“Just once, I’d like to hear a candidate talk about us the same way they do about ‘hardworking’ Americans,” said Moran. “We want to be seen for what we are, lazy sons of bitches who fuel the economy. There’s no shame in it.”

The group has already raised $50 million from its members and that money will be put toward candidates who best serve the lazy and support lazy causes.

“We want politicians who will champion policies that help us be even lazier, and live the lazy lifestyle,” Moran said. “Is that so much to ask?”

Apparently it is, because politicians are among the laziest people on earth with more vacation time and fewer work hours than anyone, so they’re too lazy to draft good policy.

But they can fake it with the best of them, which is far easier, and lazier.

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Dave Henry

Dave’s work has appeared in various publications including End of the Bench, Robot Butt, and The Spoof, as well as many unfunny outlets. He also sometimes refers to himself in the third person.