[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Accuses Kamala Harris of Not Being Black

Trump says he’s the only “true-blue Black candidate” in presidential race, accuses Harris of not being black enough.

Former President Donald Trump accuses the presumptive Democratic Party nominee for President, Kamala Harris, of not actually being Black.

Trump accuses Kamala of not being black.
Photo: Gage Skidmore, flickr.com, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/

“It’s fake news she’s Black. Okay? Take a good close look at her,” Trump said. “She doesn’t look or act like any of the Blacks I know and love, and who love me.”

Trump said Harris is falsely portraying herself as Black to win Black votes. In reality, Trump claimed, he’s the real Black candidate for the White House. Harris wants to say she’s Black, he said, to pretend to be for DEI — diversity, equity, and inclusion.

“It’s all part of the delusional, radical left Democrat DEI quota to make it seem like she cares about underrepresented groups,” said Trump.

Trump added that, “The truth is, she’s all the way Indian. That means she’s not even really a true American, which disqualifies her to run for President. My people tell me she probably was born on a God-forsaken Indian reservation somewhere. Just like Barack Obama was actually born in Kenya and should never have been allowed to be President.”

As he demanded of Obama, Trump said Harris should be forced to produce her birth certificate so a panel of experts can determine if she really was born in America and didn’t have someone falsify the document. If she doesn’t do that, Trump said, Harris should be disqualified from running for President and in fact imprisoned for impersonating an American citizen.

The fact Harris was born to an Indian mother and a father from Jamaica and weren’t natural born American citizens means she’s a foreigner, Trump maintained. She may have been born in Oakland, California according to news reports, but Trump said he wondered if those reports are really true.

“Who can believe any of this Fake News?” asked Trump.

Because her parents came from India and Jamaica, Trump said that makes the Harris family immigrants and “isn’t this country overrun with enough of them already? When I’m President again we’ll be throwing them in concentration camps or kicking them out of the country all together. Okay?”

“I’m the true-blue real American,” Trump said. If she’s anything, he added, Harris is Greek, referring to the fact she belongs to a college women’s sorority, Alpha Kappa Alpha (AKA) which uses Greek letters as symbols to represent its organization.

The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution says anyone born on U.S. soil is considered a natural born U.S. citizen and can be either Vice President or President.

But Trump says he’s heard rumors from a number of “reputable sources” that Harris could have been born in some Third World hellhole and her parents snuck her into this country as a baby. “It’s a scandal. My people are investigating what’s the real truth even as we speak,” Trump said.

Trump said Black people can identify with him because he’s been criminally indicted so many times. “A lot of people say that explains why The Blacks like me, because they’ve been hurt so badly and discriminated against. And they actually viewed me as I’m being discriminated against, which in effect makes me Black too.”

As he likes to tell his followers, especially Black folk, Trump says, “I am your retribution. When they come after me, they’re really coming after you. Okay?”

Trump recounted how his fellow Blacks presented him with the “Champion of Black America” award at a recent Black Conservative Federation’s annual gala. “My Black brothers and sisters know who the real Black person is,” Trump said. “It’s me. Not Cackling Lyin’ Crooked Kamal Harris or whatever her stupid name is.”

Trump also said Harris couldn’t really be Black because she hasn’t given birth to a lot of babies, in fact none. Everyone knows, falsely claimed Trump, that Black women usually have lots of babies.

Trump pointed to what his vice-presidential running mate, JD Vance, previously said, that the United States is being run by a “bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.”

Trump, echoing Vance’s claims, said that if you look at Vice President Harris and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez–“the entire future of the Democrats is controlled by people without (biological) children.” Harris does have two stepchildren with her husband Douglas Emhoff.

“A woman like stupid laugh Catnip Harris or whatever her creepy name is who hasn’t given birth to children? There’s got to be something anti-American about that,” concluded Trump.

Eric Green
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