The GOP is on the defensive after Democrats claimed their policy positions are “weird,” with JD Vance leading the charge.
Decrying Democrats’ claims that “Republicans are weird,” Sen. JD Vance (R. OH), the newly limited Republican candidate for vice-president, has come out with “I’m rubber, you’re glue, insults bounce off me and stick to you!”
Former President Donald J. Trump, reached at a Palm Beach McDonald’s, said he was “proud that JD took the bull by the horns” and put presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Vice President Kamala Harris in her place. “Crooked Kamala is low-IQ,” asserted Trump, chewing on a Big Mac.
Democratic talking points allege that Republican policy positions on reproductive rights, LGBTQ issues and other hot button cultural issues are “just plain weird” and enjoy no wide- spread support. Vance, for example, has come out with a proposal to give voters with children a three-fifths advantage when it comes to tallying ballots.
“It makes no sense,” said Vance, “to accord the same influence in our government to persons who have no children with those who do. “If you’re not equally invested in the future of the country,” said Vance, “then you don’t deserve equal power.” Asked by a reporter what it means to be a father, Vance grinned and replied, “it means my dick works!”
On Monday, Vance reiterated his position on “Aw, Nuts!” the new Tucker Carlson program on Fox News: “I think that women, over the age of 25, who have not given birth, should be stripped of their American citizenship.” He cited as examples Kamala Harris, Jennifer Aniston and Taylor Swift, the so-called “miserable childless cat ladies.” “Let ’em get a Green Card,” he growled.
Democrats use of the term “weird” has drawn some fire from Republicans. Sex toy mogul Vivek Ramaswamy called it “dumb and juvenile” and said the country was involved in a presidential election, “not an election for prom queen.” Reached at his sex toy boutique in Georgetown, he bent to change the garment on his “Prom Queen Inflatable Doll.”
On July 25, the Harris campaign issued a press release in which the Democratic candidate called Trump “old and quite weird.” Trump was not immediately available for comment, as he was having his diaper changed.
Others have called Trump’s fascination with fictional serial killer Hannibal Lecter “off-putting and weird” and Trump’s obsession with perishing by being eaten by sharks “…kinda’ kinky.” Recent advertisements on TrumpStore.com reveal the availability of Trump brand shark repellent.
Rather than mollify their positions, Republicans have doubled down on their weirdness. House Speaker Mike Johnson (R, LA) stated his support for “unlimited immunity” for police officers so that they “can do their jobs.” Sen. John Kennedy (R. LA) reiterated his backing for a proposal put forward by Trump in 2016, to issue “bounties” for non-white criminal suspects who are wounded in the course of their apprehension.
Trump campaign spokesperson Sally Head said Monday that “weird is the new cool,” and that hip Republicans are pulling out all the stops to celebrate the cachet of weird. Head said that a celebratory dinner was being catered by Trump at Mar-a-Lago next week. The featured entrée will be Trump Tube Steaks, a 6-ounce tube of protein-rich pig flesh. “Now, that’s weird meat,” said Head.
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