Hannibal Lecter Stumps for Harris - Ed O'Neill, Humor Times

“I don’t know how I got involved,” Hannibal Lecter says, “but I’d never vote for that sleazeball Trump.”

Harrisburg, PA. — Donald Trump has referenced the name Hannibal Lecter more than once in the past few months. “The Great Hannibal Lecter,” as he calls the murderous forensics specialist who consumes his victims, generally with a dry Chianti.

“I don’t know how I got involved,” Lecter admitted yesterday at a rally for Presidential candidate Kamala Harris. “He jumps from toilets to sharks to windmills. I guess psychotic man-eater just fits right in,” he laughed. “Try and follow that guy’s train of thought. It’s mind-numbing!”

Appearing here with Gov. Josh Shapiro, Sen. Jon Fetterman and the Philly Phanatic, Lecter, who often works as a consultant for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, made it crystal clear who he was supporting. “The time is right for a woman in the White House, and Vice President Harris is right for the time,” he assured the cheering crowd. “Trump makes ME feel uneasy. And that’s saying something!”

“I do my best to be a positive role model for the under-aged kids who sneak in to see my movies,” Lecter told me following the rally. “Sure, I’m flawed. But I know right from wrong. That guy lies when he sleeps, then wakes up and lies some more. Trump’s only redeeming quality is that he looks funny.”

“Hannibal the Cannibal” usually keeps his politics to himself. In this election cycle, however, he has deemed it necessary to speak out. “I was dragged into this bloody mess. I really don’t need this shit.”

But, he’s fully aware that even the appearance of a relationship with someone as toxic as the ex-president could alienate the serial killers millions of adoring fans. “I need to protect my good name.”

Author
Recent Posts

Ed O'Neill

Ed O'Neill is a New Jersey native that watches the world but rarely participates. He has authored several well-received product reviews on Amazon, including "Colby's Lemon-scented antibiotic bunion salve" and "Chan's zen-infused mostly natural plant food spikes". He's fluent in both English and Gibberish. He's in Little Old Lady Comedy, Robotbutt.Com, and Flexx Magazine (RIP)