Larry the Rock Takes Umbrage at Trump - Eric Green, Humor Times

Donald Trump called Kamala Harris “dumb as a rock.” Now Larry the Rock demands an apology.

Larry the Rock, who exists in the Rocky Mountains in the great state of Colorado, is demanding that Donald Trump apologize for his recent remarks that insults all rocks everywhere on Earth and throughout all creation.

Larry the Rock at Moraine_Lake — Larry the Rock is said to live somewhere in the Rockies, but is hard to find. Photo by Gorgo, Public Domain.

“He needs to say he’s sincerely sorry for what he said about us,” said Larry the Rock.

Larry was referring to Trump’s calling Vice President Kamala Harris, among other choice names, “dumb as a rock.” Trump also said, in trying to belittle the Democratic Party’s nominee for President, that Harris wasn’t smart enough to hold press conferences or to run the country.

Trump seems to revel in that nasty dumb-as-a-rock barb for that’s what he also called his former U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. It makes one wonder if that’s how Trump so horribly regarded Tillerson, why did he appoint him Secretary of State in the first place? Trump’s insult came after Tillerson reportedly called the former president a “moron.”

Meanwhile, Larry the Rock says he takes “great umbrage” that Trump would make fun of rocks as exceptionally dimwitted or unintelligent.

It’s one thing, Larry said, to be called dumb as a doorknob, dumb as an ox, or dumber than a sack of hammers, meaning someone is unintelligent and a fool. But you’re getting way too personal and going beyond the pale when someone calls you dumb as a rock, Larry the Rock said.

Meanwhile, the professional wrestler and actor known as “The Rock,” said he would have no comment about Trump’s dumb as a rock remark. The Rock, also known as Dwayne Johnson, has said he’s thought about running for President of the United States but decided against it. “I’d have to be pretty stupid to give up my very successful business career to run for President,” said The Rock.

Rocky Balboa, also known as Sylvester Stallone, asked to comment on what Trump said about rocks, said he was too busy filming episodes for his new TV show on the CBS television network to pay attention to what the former president was yakking about. Rocky’s statue, at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, which attracts hordes of admiring visitors, shows just what a rock can do, says Larry the Rock.

The estate of the late actor, Rock Hudson, the comedian Chris Rock, the guardians of Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, and the cities of Rock Island, Illinois, Little Rock, Arkansas, Castle Rock, Colorado, and Round Rock, Texas, all said they would have no comment on the Trump insult about Kamala Harris. Although with Chris Rock, knowing his act, you have to believe he’ll have something witty and sarcastic to say about it in time.

Larry the Rock says Trump should renounce his insensitive and indecent comments that defame a rock’s good name. Larry said he might even take the matter to court in a lawsuit asking for millions of dollars in compensation for harming the reputation of rocks.

Larry said in addition to the lawsuit, he was challenging Trump to an I.Q. test to see who’s smarter and who’s dumber. Larry’s I.Q., he said, was at a genius level of 145. “So who’s calling who dumb?” asked Larry.

Even though Trump claims to have a superior I.Q., Larry the Rock says nobody really knows what an I.Q. test of Trump would show about his intelligence, or lack of it. Larry says anybody who brags that they are a “very stable genius” and smarter than everybody else like Trump does is actually pretty stupid.

“If anybody’s dumb as a rock (with all apologies to rocks), it’s Donald Trump,” said Larry, who rolled over to the city of Boulder, Colorado from his elevation of 14,114 feet on Pikes Peak to discuss the matter with reporters.

Larry says he comes from a long line of the Rock family who have been on Earth since nearly its creation about 4.5 billion years ago. Some members of the Rock family originally came from the Moon before crashing into the Earth eons ago. In recent times, Apollo astronauts brought samples of the Rock family back from the Moon where space buffs can see them on display in such places as Houston, Texas, and Washington, D.C.

“Despite the mean things Trump says about us, people must think we Rock family members are pretty valuable and smart if they go to all this trouble to come visit us Rocks in person,” said Larry.

Trump, asked to respond to Larry’s challenge for an I.Q. test, said he’d think about doing it. But meanwhile, Trump said he might file a countersuit against Larry the Rock if Larry does proceed to sue him.

Asked about Trump’s threat to sue him back, Larry the Rock informed the former president that “we’ll see you in court.”

“You got something to say, say it to my face,” he said. And with that, Larry the Rock proceeded to roll back home to rock on.

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Eric Green

Eric Green has Donald Trump to thank for a number of his satirical articles. As long as The Donald is around, Eric will continue to have new material to write about him. Eric finds writing satire a welcome escape from the realities of life. When he’s not trying to be satirical, Eric has been a former newspaper reporter, ex-press aide to a U.S. Senator on Capitol Hill, and ex-writer in the federal government. He's also the author of three mostly humorous books, the one he's most proud of is called Temporary Insanity, Costa Rica, My Way. For fun, he practices playing Beatles songs on the piano.You can find more about him on LinkedIn.