[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump to Be Shot Out of a Cannon on Live TV

GOP candidate Donald Trump has planned a stunt to beat all stunts: he is to be shot out of a cannon on live television.

Mar-a-Lago – Today Donald Trump made inarguably the biggest, craziest, unhinged announcement of an impending stunt to bring back support for his candidacy. Speaking from his Mar-a-Lago estate, Trump told reporters he has a political stunt planned that will win him the election in just 5 short minutes. Mr. Trump has agreed to be shot out of a cannon on live television.

cannon
Photo generated by the Wonder app.

After announcing this latest political stunt idea to reporters, he invited the two reporters to ask questions. As they were both Fox reporters, the rest of the conference was taken up by questions like, “Is the NRA behind you on this?”, “Did J.D. Vance ask you to hold off on this until after you are elected in case something goes wrong?” and “What day is it?”

Undeterred, Trump pontificated on how his idea came about. Trump advised that he just came up with the idea “because I am smart. I am smarter than that guy who is going to play me when my life story is out on film… and he’s pretty smart.”

The stunt will take some planning, however, he hopes to have something pulled together for the night before his debate with Kamala Harris. This way, if he sustains any injuries, he would “have to” bow out of the debate.

Trump wrapped up the conference by telling reporters that his rallies are becoming more popular than Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, and thanking everyone for being so anticlimactic, because “being anti-climate is very important.” He then stripped to his shorts and did a cannonball dive into the pool.

We reached out to Trump’s people to confirm or deny this story, but they declined to comment. More as it develops.

P. Beckert
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